“I talked through my issues around the affair with my therapist. We’re good now,” says Cheater.
He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.“
-Mark 10:11, NIV
An affair is a violation of the marriage vow to “forsake all others.” The cheater has sinned against their spouse–whether physically or emotionally does not matter.
This cannot be fixed by the cheater talking in a room alone with a pastor or therapist!
While it may start there, they need to bring in the wronged party and let them know what happened. Only the wronged party–namely, the faithful spouse–has the right to declare the cheater as “fixed” or the situation resolved.
The pastor or therapist will not bear the horrific costs if they are wrong as a faithful spouse will!
Plus, the sin needs addressing. How can reconciliation happen in the marriage if the cheater is unwilling to make restitution and seek forgiveness from the spouse they wronged?
Of course, some pastors and therapists will blame the affair on the faithful spouse or marriage circumstances. That is a set up for enabling affairs and is a coddling of the sinner to their own spiritual destruction (see Hebrews 10:26-27).
A cheater who only talks about the affair with a pastor or a therapist behind closed doors is not a cheater ready to deal with their sin and its impact. I would even question if they are really sorry about it as they are avoiding the consequences of it (by continuing to conceal it from their spouse).
The repentant cheater is willing to humble themselves and commit to sharing with the faithful spouse how they wronged them. They take the sin seriously and do not blame-shift it on their spouse.
