Hi DM,

It is true that the cheater almost never repents when discovered, at least most of the time. But I’ve heard so many Christians tell faithful spouses that they should pray for their love ones to repent, that it is their duty to keep the marriage because it is a covenant and they can never break a covenant, and more importantly is not their spouses it is the devil that have them slaved to sin so they have to continue praying, making war for their souls and eventually they’ll come back in repentance, if you ever divorce it is because you don’t believe God is capable of restore the marriage, because “God is in the restoring business”, and you promise to be in the marriage no matter what.

-ACS

Dear ACS,

Thanks for your comment. It is worth exploring what many “Christians” say to faithful spouses in detail. This website exists to correct those wrongful, unbiblical expectations “Christians” foist upon faithful spouses.

You write,

But I’ve heard so many Christians tell faithful spouses that they should pray for their love ones to repent….

I have no problem with faithful spouses praying for their cheater to repent. However, at some point, I think we have to honor the agency of others. This includes when they choose sin over godliness. God does this; so, we ought to also.

…that it is their duty to keep the marriage because it is a covenant and they can never break a covenant…

Personally, I have a strong commitment to what the Bible says on this. God divorces Israel in Jeremiah 3:8. This means the marriage covenant is not inviolable.

Marital infidelity destroys the marriage covenant. A faithful spouse is just acknowledging that reality by divorcing a cheater as God divorced Israel in this passage.

Was God not sinning by divorcing Israel and not keeping His covenant with them (Jeremiah 3:8)? Of course, not.

…and more importantly is not their spouses it is the devil that have them slaved to sin so they have to continue praying, making war for their souls and eventually they’ll come back in repentance…

God is very clear that we will answer to our sins done in our body (see 2 Corinthians 5:10). The Devil is not the one answering for those sins. We are. This exposes this argument as a false teaching.

The Devil did not make them do it. They chose sin. If they could not do otherwise, why does God bother to command us to not commit adultery then (see Exodus 20:14)?

…if you ever divorce it is because you don’t believe God is capable of restore the marriage, because “God is in the restoring business”…

Did God then give up on Himself when He divorced Israel in Jeremiah 3:8? This is a stupid and unbiblical slander against faithful spouses who are divorced from their cheater-abusers.

Plus, you can both believe God is capable of restoring marriages and still choose to end yours to a cheater. These beliefs are not excluding.

I believe God is capable of raising the dead. However, I still do funerals as that is the natural order of things this side of Heaven.

…and you promise to be in the marriage no matter what….

Traditional vows also include the phrase “…forsaking all others.” People who focus on the ending commitment miss this important commitment that comes prior. So, I would point out that the failure on the cheater’s side to “forsake all others) kind of puts the rest in jeopardy.

God does not demand a faithful spouse remain married to a cheater. This is true in both the Old Testament (e.g. Deuteronomy 22:22, Jeremiah 3:8) and the New Testament (e.g. Matthew 5:32 and 19:9).

While I suspect “Christians” spouting these accusations towards faithful spouses may genuinely think they are doing right, they are spouting false and hurtful teachings. That said, it is up to us, faithful spouses, which voices we will believe.

Warmest regards,

Pastor David (aka Divorce Minister)