Christians, pastors, and Christian counselors often paint divorce as such a horrible thing. It is as if divorced people are viewed as almost permanently damaged or forever morally tainted by virtue of being divorced.
Guess what?
I have a confession to make…
Divorcing my cheating first wife did not doom me to a sad existence of perpetual misery or moral debauchery.
To the contrary, I enjoy a fuller and more consistently richer life of joy in the Lord than I ever did while married to my first wife.
I am happier divorced. True story.
That said, this might not be true for everyone who gets divorced. In fact, it wasn’t even true for me immediately in the divorce aftermath.
Initially, I was still reeling from the consequences of being cheated upon and divorced by said cheater.
A few years removed from the events and a new life with a new family, I see now that my divorce was a mercy. God released me from a damaging situation where wickedness ruled. Namely:
Divorce set me free from someone who refused to fully accept responsibility and repent for her adultery and its impact on me plus our marriage.
From time to time, I still deal with the scars from those years as well as the occasional unbiblical divorce prejudice. But I do not blame my divorce for these unpleasant experiences.
-The scars come from the sin and the trauma of a relationship destroyed through unrepentant lies and infidelity. Divorce merely removed the source of such sinful wounding.
-The unbiblical divorce prejudice is just that unbiblical. I know God is not ashamed of me being divorced. He divorced Israel, His first wife, over unrepentant adultery as well (see Jeremiah 3:8). So, I am sure he “gets it” even if other pastors and Christians today don’t.
I know people are reading this post today terrified of pulling the trigger and getting a divorce even though their partner continues to cheat and lie about said cheating.
The fear-mongering of Christians and pastors regarding divorce has paralyzed you from pursuing this necessary “surgery.” They falsely treat the “cure”-i.e. divorce–as worse than the disease–i.e. adulterous abuse.
So, I write today to encourage you that God understands if you decide to divorce your adulterous partner. He does not condemn faithful spouses exercising this permission (click here).
And I testify to the fact that life can be richer and even happier without a cheater in it. It is for me today!
It’s totally hard to explain to people that, while things are rough financially, etc, it’s sooooooo much better than when I was married to someone who abused us and cared more about himself and his porn than anything else. Religious people just automatically assume that *I* screwed up by “giving up” and now I’m suffering. Well, yeah, the suffering is actually all from him and from religious people. I’m worlds happier now. Great post. Cannot give it enough “likes.” 🙂
I’m glad you’ve written about this. I find it very tiresome when Christian writers and pastors talk about the damage divorce causes and that it is a terrible thing. I stopped listening to one Christian podcast when he kept referring to divorce as a sin. Many of these “leaders” in the church have turned marriage into an idol that they expect all the rest of us to worship (don’t get me started on the number of articles and sermons that speak about fulfillment and wholeness coming through marriage – Poppycock!!).
I say I am happily divorced for 12 years (in two weeks time). It was one of the best decisions I have ever made after living with a porn addicted spouse for 18 years and doing everything I was supposed to do, including not nagging as Proverbs says it’s terrible to live with a nagging wife; keeping silent so as not to gossip; confronting; submitting; never saying no to sex; laying hands on him in his sleep; forgiving so my husband would feel trusted and safe… He continued in his adultery (because that is exactly how it felt EVERY SINGLE TIME I found the porn). When I left, a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders and I came to understand he had left me years before. You cannot love, pray, submit someone out of their prison. They will pull you in. They must choose to leave on their own. There have been hard days, especially financially, but my children and I have a peaceful life and I would never want to be married to someone who is not working on the marriage with me ever.
My divorce has been a gift.