Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.
-Matthew 1:19, NKJV
With famous Christian author, Lysa TerKeurst, opening up about divorcing her unfaithful husband, I am struck by how the Christian community demands faithful spouses to explain themselves when choosing divorce.
Such scrutiny is misplaced in my opinion.
Instead of asking faithful spouses to explain why they are divorcing a cheater, why not apply such disapproving pressure on the cheater for choosing such devastating sin?
Now, some Christians do get this. They hear about the infidelity and are quick to offer empathetic support as opposed to condemnation for the faithful spouse.
Yet others are quick to push back when divorce is on the table for the faithful spouse.
They do not “get” that even one instance of adultery was enough to end a marriage according to God (see Deuteronomy 22:22, Leviticus 20:10, etc).
That ending was independent of what the faithful partners did or did not do. Those spouses did not need to demonstrate their “worthiness” to escape a marriage to an adulterous spouse.
But that was when we were under THE LAW…
True. But you are just exchanging one law for another when you insist upon marriage to death. And that strikes me as human made laws added to God’s word (see Mt 19:9):
“Thou shalt not divorce” is nowhere in the Bible.
“Thou shalt not commit adultery” is (see Exodus 20:14).
Why not give the faithful spouse the benefit of the doubt when he or she chooses divorce?
What they have experienced is truly that traumatic and evil that God allows them this choice without shame (see Mt 5:32, etc).
They don’t need to prove to you that they are “worthy” or “fought enough” for their marriage before choosing this.
Honestly, if the concern is really about the marriage ending, then the pressure ought to be upon the cheater for destroying the marriage by committing adultery.
All that anxiety and grief over the marriage ending ought to go towards the person who committed the marriage ending sin–namely, the cheater.
The victim of adultery does not need any more burdens or pressures during this time.
We absolutely agree. The victim of adultery is a victim for a reason – something that should never be forgotten or overlooked!