Dear faithful spouse,
It is not your job to fix the marriage mess caused by your adulterous spouse’s infidelity. You did not create this mess. And you are not even a little responsible for his/her sin. It flowed out of his/her heart alone as Scripture teaches (see post here). The adultery and subsequent consequences (like shattered trust) are 100% on the cheater.
That said, you may have to deal with some of the aftermath of his or her irresponsibility (e.g. supporting the kids through this mess, paying for an attorney, etc). This is unjust. Sadly, we live in a world where injustice remains. And this injustice is the result of selfish, arrogant, sinful choices made by the adulterous spouse.
My final exhortation:
Do not take responsibility to fix what was destroyed by adultery. Doing so destroys the opportunity for the adulterous spouse to truly repent. They need to own their sin 100% along with its natural consequences. Plus, owning it in part feeds into the lies that you share responsibility for the sin.
You do not.
It is not your fault.
It is not your fault.
It is not your fault.
Nothing justifies choosing adultery. No escape clauses exist in the Ten Commandments…they just say, “Thou Shalt Not…”
Blessings and Hugs,
DM
Yes, amen, amen, yes
“And this injustice is the result of selfish, arrogant, sinful choices made by the adulterous spouse.”
It takes courage for an adulterous spouse to admit and repent the actions in order for the betrayed to heal, even if the marriage ends. However, many adulterous ones walk away and disrespect the marriage/family further. This causes more trauma and the only way for the betrayed to move on is to go no contact. I regret I didn’t do that (trying to get an explanation from him) and it kept me in the trauma longer. Now my spouse is with his mistress and refers to me as “the mother of my children” – my worth is only valued as an extension of our kids, rather than a wife (or an ex-wife).
Thank you!!! Needed to hear this!
Yes, the injustice for us and even more for our kids is a huge pill to swallow. Still trying to work through that.
Thank you for this.