In a comment on my post, “I hate the movie ‘Fireproof,’” Katygirl wrote:
I’m thankful that God uses all things for those who love him and are called according to His purpose. I am also thankful that the teaching fundamental of this movie and book are that love covers a multitude of sins. I don’t think it essentially matters who sinned first or who repented or didn’t repent, the fact is that this move and book have done more good than harm, in MY opinion.
My husband and I were new believers when this came out and essentially this curriculum helped two very broken hearts and softened them enough to see what love looks like. God used this to help save our marriage. He changed the trajectory of our path with it and now we share what we learned with other marriages. Not with just this one teaching/tool. With many, many, many.
I think that when people are too focused on what is wrong with something, it easily skews the truth. God doesn’t focus on the bad. Jesus didn’t focus on the sin. This “tool” was used to speak to hearts. And that is what God looks at. He doesn’t see the sin, and neither should we. Thank God he doesn’t search for what is wrong with us and focus on what we have done wrong.
Caleb didn’t look at the sin. And who know what happened in the missed moments outside of this movie, just like in real life. We can’t guess what does or doesn’t happen in someone elses life or home. Just because we don’t see it ourselves doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.
I am thankful that Caleb chose to forgive and look past the mess of a marriage they both created and take HIS responsibility in the relationship. I am sure that at some point she asked for forgiveness and took responsibility for her actions. If you connect with God and Holy Spirit I think that it would be hard not too.
Just my two cents.
Much of the trouble faithful spouses encounter is not overtly wrong. The mark in teaching or response is just slightly off. And that slight error or twisting makes all the practical difference in the world.
I have chosen to dissect and respond to this comment today as I believe it illustrates this problem nicely.
Katygirl shares some biblical truths about God’s love and forgiveness. However, they are slightly off and misapplied, IMO.
Let’s start with a few sentences into the first paragraph, Katygirl writes,
I don’t think it essentially matters who sinned first or who repented or didn’t repent, the fact is that this move and book have done more good than harm, in MY opinion.
Repentance actually does matter to God. In fact, repentance is required of anyone to receive salvation (see Acts 2:38). So, it does fundamentally matter whether or not someone repents.
As to the calculation that the movie and book have done more good than harm, I will just point out that I am a pastor. My job is to point out bad teaching. The movie and book are clearly pushing bad teaching if the message you derived from them was that repentance is unimportant.
Continuing in the comment…
God used this to help save our marriage. He changed the trajectory of our path with it and now we share what we learned with other marriages. Not with just this one teaching/tool. With many, many, many.
Great. But God also spoke through Balaam’s ass (see Numbers 22:21-38). That does not mean I am going to go to the nearest farm and wait until their donkey speaks to me.
A much more reliable source of wisdom and guidance from God is the Bible. Insofar as this movie and book departs from that fount of wisdom, I will reject and denounce it.
I think that when people are too focused on what is wrong with something, it easily skews the truth. God doesn’t focus on the bad. Jesus didn’t focus on the sin. This “tool” was used to speak to hearts. And that is what God looks at. He doesn’t see the sin, and neither should we. Thank God he doesn’t search for what is wrong with us and focus on what we have done wrong.
This is not exactly correct biblically speaking:
Jesus teaches his followers to rebuke a brother when sinned against and only forgive this brother if he repents (see Luke 17:3). That sounds an awful lot like focusing on the negative as you write it. Yet we are called to rebuke the person wronging us per Jesus’ own words.
Furthermore, God does search us out and even disciplines us, His legitimate children (see Psalm 139:23-24 and Hebrews 12:5-6).
Caleb didn’t look at the sin. And who know what happened in the missed moments outside of this movie, just like in real life. We can’t guess what does or doesn’t happen in someone elses life or home. Just because we don’t see it ourselves doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen.
My point in my post was that the producers of the movie did not address the emotional affair appropriately in their treatment of the relationship. It may or may not have been addressed off-screen. But it still remained unaddressed ON SCREEN!
Evangelical Christian subculture often makes more of pornography and actual sexual sin than the sin of committing emotional infidelity. This movie reinforces that dangerous message where emotional affairs are treated as less of a big deal than physical affairs or a pornography addiction. It does so by leaving the emotional affair unaddressed on screen.
Furthermore, the movie does not model godly confrontation and communication between a husband and wife as it comes to matters of infidelity. Caleb ought to have confronted–i.e. rebuked–his wife for cheating on him with the doctor instead of only confronting the married doctor in secret. That is what Jesus’ words in Luke 17:3 mean in regards to this matter.
I am thankful that Caleb chose to forgive and look past the mess of a marriage they both created and take HIS responsibility in the relationship. I am sure that at some point she asked for forgiveness and took responsibility for her actions. If you connect with God and Holy Spirit I think that it would be hard not too.
Just my two cents.
But he did not really take “HIS responsibility in the relationship.” For “HIS responsibility” also includes rebuking his wife when he was sinned against by her. The movie never shows him doing this. I believe that is a critical error on their part.
As for the happily ever after image, I want to point out that ignoring sin and leaving it unaddressed via repentance is not a recipe for godliness and healthy reconciliation. The maybe-she-repented-later-and-maybe-she-did-not idea communicates–clearly–a de-prioritization of repentance. Such is not godly.
Such a de-prioritization of repentance reinforces a “stay married at all costs” mentality. Such a mentality enables sin as opposed to exposing and confronting it.
For all these reasons–plus the ones mentioned in the original post–I do not believe the movie and book are a net good for the Christian community. In fact, I believe they reinforce dangerously twisted theology as that theology applies to infidelity in marriages of Christians.
That’s MY two cents!
This is precisely the sort of thing that has turned me off to Christian Pop Culture that is not rooted in scripture but in feelings.