One good thing that came out of my ex-wife’s adultery and my consequential divorce from her is that I know God’s Word much better than before particularly in regards to forgiveness and repentance. A lot of what I got from the Christian community was Matt 6:14-15:
14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (NIV).
..but with no regards to the condition that God forgives us, namely repentance. I found this to be manipulative and begs the question of what forgiveness is. This is what led me to study the topic more closely for the last two years.
One aspect of forgiveness that I did come to understand is that my forgiveness towards my fellow man (when they repent), is in no way equivalent to Jesus’s forgiveness of me. I cannot absorb the sins of others thereby reconciling them to God and giving them eternal life. To me that is huge, an immense chasm of difference! Certainly, God did not mean that my forgiveness is on the same level with His with Matt:6:14-15. What is your take on this DM?
-Michael
Dear Michael,
Context is so important when we are talking about any command in the Bible. These two important verses come out of Jesus’ famous Sermon on the Mount.
This is the same set of teachings that tell us to gouge out our eye if it causes us to sin. I haven’t seen many people walking into the church with eye patches, yet I guarantee most–if not everyone–struggles with the sin of lust from time to time.
So, to probably understand the Jesus’ command here to forgive,I think it is completely wise and fair to consider it in light of his other teachings on forgiveness.
Ultimately, God does not contradict Himself, after all.
I am immediately drawn to “The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant” found later in the same Gospel (Matthew 18:21-35).
For those unfamiliar, this is a story where Jesus teaches a lesson about a servant forgiven a huge debt he owes but he won’t forgive a much smaller debt owed to him. That “unmerciful servant” is then punished for his failure to forgive the smaller debt owed to him. The parable is told to illustrate what will happen to us if we do not forgive.
Hang with me.
I notice that the question of the need to repay the debt is never on the blocks. What is treated as reprehensible is that the servant will not show mercy when asked for it.
This is what I see is in operation in Matthew 6:14-15. Jesus is condemning those who refuse to forgive an acknowledged debt–i.e. the repentant petitioner.
Linking this to Luke 17:3 where Jesus teaches forgiveness only if the offender repents, I would say Jesus is condemning the practice of withholding forgiveness when repentance IS evident.
Christians run into all sorts of theological problems when taking verses like these from Matthew 6 out the context of other teachings on forgiveness in Scripture.
Like Jesus’ gift of forgiveness to the world, we do not benefit from this gift unless we recognize we need it and ask for it.
So, in a sense, the world is not forgiven because everyone in the world does not recognize their need nor has asked for it. In fact, some people will rather curse God denying ever having such a need, and ergo, they will go unforgiven.
I place unrepentant cheaters in that category. They do not recognize the debt they have incurred by their sin, and thereby are unable to avail themselves of forgiveness.
That said, we are clearly to offer forgiveness to those seeking that mercy just as we received it from God. I see that as indisputable from Scripture.
It does not matter who awfully that person sinned against you or I. If they recognize what they did as wrong and seek forgiveness from us–i.e. repent–then we are obligated as followers of Christ to forgive them.
That’s how I see that passage. Hope that helps!
Blessings,
-DM
This is interesting. I have been bombarded with this passage as well about forgiveness. My husband has cheated repeatedly throughout our marriage, 4 women, although I don’t have clear evidence of the physical part of the relationships, I have his texts that imply his willingness for those aspects. The most recent one I discovered and tried to stop twice but he changed passwords and continued with the communications behind my back. I finally found the most recent communications and couldn’t take it anymore. We separated. I feel devastated and broken. Just completely done. I can’t go through it again. He says he’s truly sorry and will never do it again. He’s said that before. But others keep trying to convince me that this time they think he really means it. But they weren’t there in the past for the previous indiscretions and the forgiveness I gave. They think I am being too rash and I should sacrifice myself like Christ sacrificed himself for us. They say I must be willing to forgive no matter what. I believe in forgiveness and I am willing to forgive him as a brother in Christ. I don’t want to hold hatred for him, but I do not believe that means I have to continue to a marriage with him. I believe that God places no pressure on someone to stay when there is adultery and that it then becomes our choice to choose how to follow through with this. I am placing that choice in God’s hands and so far, He has not lead me back, nor has He done some miracle which makes all the pain go away and makes me want to subject myself to more pain or the threat of more pain. Some Christian friends argue that if I just give it time God can change everything and that I should be grateful that my husband wants counseling. And that is great, for him. He should go. But that is not a guarantee and I can’t continue to subject myself to constant fear, stress, and pain in order to make others happy. Some say God will never lead you toward divorce, but He wouldn’t allow it for adultery if it was wrong. I will forgive him, but I will also learn from my mistakes and make better choices in the future, while continuing to surrender myself into God’s hands.