²¹ Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot bear up: … ²³ Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, And a maidservant when she supplants her mistress.

-Proverbs 30:21, 23, NASB (emphasis mine)

I can still picture the moment…

We had just moved into our first home we bought together, and we were in our bedroom. I was standing near the doorway when the revelation came that my (now ex) wife did not feel lovable. I don’t remember what prompted the exchange. However, I remember thinking that I would love my (now ex) wife so well that I would convince her she was worthy of love. It was a challenge for me.

Guess what?

It was a stacked challenge. The goal was doomed to failure from the start.

We cannot “fix” other people including our spouses. They have to do their own soul work.

Looking back, I can see how co-dependent and naive that thought was. We cannot complete someone. Only God is able to do that.

A person who is convinced they are unlovable holds all the cards. He or she must decided whether they are willing to receive God’s truth–that they are intrinsically worthy of love–or continue clinging to the lie of being unlovable.

A spouse cannot make that choice for the other spouse.

We cannot borrow another’s faith. Some spiritual paths only have room for two–the person and God.

*A version of this post ran previously.