But the [Holy] Spirit explicitly and unmistakably declares that in later times some will turn away from the faith…[misled] by the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared as with a branding iron [leaving them incapable of ethical functioning]….
-I Timothy 4:1a,2, AMP
When a cheater is telling their spouse, pastor, and/or Christian counselor that God accepts or even approves of their extra-marital relationship, the cheater is speaking from a seared conscience.
Such a conscience is dead to the things of God.
A major quandary many Christian faithful spouses encounter is whether or not their cheater is repentant.
Here’s a clear signal on that number:
If a cheater talks as if God approved or approves of the infidelity, they are NOT repentant as they clearly are still denying that what they did was sinfully wrong.
The infidelity must bother a repentant cheater. It must bother them that they betrayed God, their spouse, and their family/community by lying and treacherously violating their marriage vows.
Someone who is not at all bothered by such a betrayal and–further–believes God is cheering on this treachery has lost all moral sensation towards righteousness in such matters.
They lack the basic moral discomfort necessary to repent, in other words. So, trying to reconcile–i.e. restore the marriage–with them is a foolish endeavor.
It is just plain stupid to rebuild one’s “home” burnt to the ground by an “arsonist” who enjoys burning down houses and saw nothing wrong with burning down your home to begin with.
The wiser faithful spouse reads the signs and accepts that such a cheater is demonstrating a seared conscience. That is who they are!
Then the wise faithful spouse acts to protect himself or herself from the consequences that would follow from living or remaining bonded to such an individual.
Please, faithful spouse, don’t waste your time or stick around for further abuse when such signals of God-defying pride in the cheater are so clear!
*A version of this post ran previously.
My cheating former wife told a Catholic priest when he warned her she needed to end her doubly adulterous relationship with a married man, “I believe I am in a good place with God, and I have no intention of ending this relationship.” I knew at this point the wife I believed I had was no longer. If she was dead to our faith, then she was dead to me. Filing for divorce was the hardest thing I had to do. It took a long time for me to accept this is who she is, and this is who she truly was behind her mask of faithful wife and devoted mother. Two years later, and there has been no change in her heart. As you suggest, her conscience has been seared.