“But if you fail to do this, you will be sinning against the Lord; and you may be sure that your sin will find you out.”
-Numbers 32:23, NIV
A slip.
An admission is made.
The veil of lies is lifted for a brief moment of truth-telling.
Then it is back to the old games of denial and bold-faced lying. They cannot live in the land of light and truth.
Cheaters sometimes slip up or have a moment of truth-telling:
Maybe the guilt finally got to them and they think telling some of the truth might help? Maybe they just slipped up? Or maybe they obliquely told a truth without meaning to do so?
I wonder how many of us have experienced this with our cheater. They gave us just enough information to confirm our worst fears. Then they clammed up. Their admission is met with denial later if brought up, again.
It has to be exhausting to live in a world filled with so many lies. Only a truly, spiritually sick person can continue to live this way.
Thankfully, truth has a way of breaking through even the sickest cheater. It will shine forth at some point–even, and maybe especially, when a cheater wants to keep it hidden.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
I remember about a year before my ex walked out the door, we were sitting on the bed talking about our days at work.
My H said “co-worker” (his direct report), is dating a married 50 year old man. I was totally clueless, and I didn’t really know her, so I said well that is wrong and she knows better than that. What I didn’t know was the married man she was “dating” was a 40 year old married man, and he was sitting on my bed.
That came rushing back to me upon Dday. That and many other confessions given in the name of another man.
Another time he told me that one of the married fire fighters was having sex with his girlfriend in his office. He didn’t name them, usually it was a person I didn’t know, and I didn’t ask for the name. I wonder if in truth I was just afraid to ask. Turns out it was all admissions of his own guilt.
I will always believe my ex was a sick sick puppy for most of our marriage and just was able to hide it in plain sight. He didn’t just have me fooled, he had a lot of folks fooled. I am sure some had to know, the adultery partner knew; but as long as the money was flowing to her she wasn’t going to squeal. Adultery is expensive, hush money is expensive.(the person who filed an ethics complaint against him knew, until he/she was ready to drop a dime).
This is why people that haven’t experienced betrayal have no clue of the pain. They don’t know of all the lies that come rushing back, all the money funneled to the cheaters sin, the verbal and emotional abuse as their sin starts to devour them. The sex with an adultery partner is just the tip of the iceberg.
When your cheater is acting all happy and loving and excited that is when they are in the first flush of their sin. When they start getting nasty to you, the sin is starting to overtake them.