“You have to ask yourself: Why did she HAVE TO leave you?”
– Cheater Apologist
The pain of being abandoned is bad enough without the added insult of this mind game.
A spouse who leaves another spouse is making a choice. To pose a question like this to the abandoned party is to obscure this fact and ask him/her to read the abandoning spouse’s mind.
It isn’t fair or helpful.
We are not mind readers.
Plus, it is a loaded question. Like asking a loving husband when will he stop beating his wife–something he never did–this question assumes the abandoning spouse HAD TO leave.
I am convinced that cheaters and cheater apologists ask questions like this precisely to avoid having a conversation about their actions and choices.
It is a pretty short and simple case for a faithful spouse to make for why they are leaving the cheater:
“Why did you leave?” – Cheater
“You cheated on me, and Jesus is clear in the Gospel of Matthew that such is sufficient enough a reason for a Christian to divorce without shame.” – Faithful Spouse
A cheater cannot respond this way because they are the transgressor in the relationship.
Plus, some may not want their less than noble motives exposed by a conversation as to why they want less accountability with their spouse, which is what comes with living apart.
Pastors and other faithful Christians may frown upon the real reason:
I want to date around like I am single and living with my spouse kind of puts a damper on my single swinging “game.”
So, if you find yourself dealing with a cheater or cheater apologist asking you to provide their own reasons for abandoning you, call their ploy:
You are not a mind reader. Tell them to either state their reasons straight up or shut up!
And tell them that you do not agree to the assumption that they HAD TO leave. They made a choice, which is fair game to assess regarding prudence.
A faithful spouse need not fear such an assessment because he or she is standing on firm Biblical grounds when leaving an abusive cheater (see Deuteronomy 22:22, Jeremiah 3:8, Matthew 1:19, 5:32, etc.).
