The following lesson is a lesson I learned the hard way:
Be choosy as it comes to who you use as a marriage therapist (if you choose to go that route and the cheater is willing).
If the counselor has been your cheater’s individual therapist, they are not suited to help you both as a marriage counselor. Even the best intentioned counselor will be biased to the individual that they have had counseled previously.
Don’t ask me how I know 😉
If your cheater refuses to see anyone else than their therapist, that is your answer as well:
They are not willing to fix the relationship that they broke through their cheating (and they are not repentant)!
I share this as a non-therapist. This is just one faithful spouse to another. Choose a wisely!
A therapist (or pastor) ought to be able to articulate a zero tolerance to infidelity and disavow “The Shared Responsibility Lie” for their to be hope that they can truly help.
Also, please be aware that some therapists are cheaters themselves. As long as they are not cheating with clients or former clients, they are allowed more or less to do so as professionals. This is another reason to choose wisely.
