“Agreed, you didn’t file the [divorce] papers.”

-Church Official

After I had successfully defended my ministerial license with my now former denomination, I was forced to undergo a year of pastoral “care.” The official in charge of this year–knowing the awful details of my divorce–made a version of the above statement.

If you did not pick up on it, this church official clearly still blamed me for my divorce.

This sort of mentality is very frustrating, yet I suspect it is common. People–myself included for many years–hesitate to name victim and perpetrator in a divorce. My personal experience with divorce and a closer reading of the Bible has changed that.

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

-Matthew 19:9, NIV

Does Jesus blame a faithful husband for divorcing his wife over sexual immorality?

No.

The party who cheated is responsible for the sinful, adulterous end of the marriage–not the faithful party. That is all.

It isn’t rocket science to understand who is–i.e. the cheater–and who isn’t–i.e. the faithful spouse–to blame in this scenario.