But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.

-I Corinthians 8:1b, NIV

Knowledge is not a substitute for character.

You can know all the things and still make poor choices. As a couple, you could have gone to all the wisest counselors and still ended up divorced after infidelity. Knowledge is not the same as acting with wisdom.

Church leaders need to get better about teaching this truth:

Character of BOTH spouses is what carries marriages through difficult times, not counseling.

I went to all sort of premarital and marital counseling with my (now) ex-wife. We saw multiple types of counselors.*

It did not help. It did not “prevent” our divorce. It did not “affair proof” our relationship.

In fact, I believe what helped me the most in my own journey of self-development and communication skills was my training as a professional chaplain. It really had nothing to do with marriage per se. After all, mine was coming to its end when I did such training.

Character is what matters. That is what is transferable. Valuing what God values is at the heart of healthy relationships.

 

 

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*This is not counseling advice. I am just sharing my perspective as a pastor on these subjects and as someone who survived infidelity abuse. Good counselors exist who DO hold Cheaters accountable for their sinful actions and reinforce good character as key.