Today, I came across an article (click here) that labels divorce as an “ambiguous loss.”
When I saw the article, I thought of how having a name for it might help some who read here. To be clear, I do not agree with the advice the author gives to the person who made the advice request. More on that later…
The article is:
“My Partner Is Constantly in Touch With His Ex and Her Family. Is This Normal? An expert says this could be a sign of ‘frozen grief.'”
It is written by Michael McNulty, PhD, LCSW.
Two major places I depart from the advice given by Mr. McNulty:
1. I would not consider this sort of enmeshment with an ex and her family a normal thing.
To be fair, the requester does not give much detail as to the rationale behind the husband getting together with the ex and her family. I would be worried, pastorally, that her husband is not respecting her feelings in these matters. It seems he has not set healthy boundaries from the little shared in the letter.
2. I would not advise listening to how the cheater and cheater-apologists feel about the faithful divorced spouse.
Unless you want to fill your head with all sort of toxic drivel, that sort of exercise is best left undone. I do not see it helping in the healing process for the faithful spouse who has divorced an unrepentant cheater. It is just an invitation to them to continue in an abusive cycle.
Those two major caveats aside…I do appreciate the terms and ideas the article presents regarding how divorce can present unique challenges in processing and progressing in grief.
