You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
-Matthew 7:5, NIV
A cheater is often eager, usually, to magnify or amplify your flaws or sins–this is especially true when you both are talking with a pastor or counselor.
Why?
It is simple. All the energy spent focused upon your flaws or sins is energy not spent on holding them accountable for their adultery and lies. It is a “game” of distraction.
Sadly, many pastors and other Christian leaders fall right into the hands of cheater who plays this “game.” They are so busy focusing on “communication issues” that they fail to see one spouse is banging a third party on the side.
Sometimes pastors or other Christian leaders are willfully blind to the adultery.
They pretend like their only responsibility is to “correct” and “admonish” the faithful spouse. Honestly, it is a really sick set of priorities.
Now, I am not saying faithful spouses are perfect. However, I am saying that focusing on those imperfections and even sins instead of addressing the adultery is spiritual foolishness.
The wise pastor and the wise faithful spouse ignores the cheater game of magnifying such sin. They focus like a laser on the adultery and need for repentance from such sins.
____
*A version of this post ran previously.
This is why I refer to my previous spouse as “Mary the Mother of Jesus” because not only was she apparently perfect and without sin but born without sin as well.