Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

-Hebrews 13:4, NIV

The affair is never about the other spouse.

I know this is a controversial thing to write. But it is true from a pastor’s perspective.

We know this truth from Scripture:

When it comes to adultery, the Bible does not warn us about our spouses or marriage circumstances; rather, it sternly reminds us that we are responsible for our actions and are prohibited from cheating on our spouses.

The affair has nothing to do with the other (faithful) spouse.

Our actions reveal our hearts. Even if the other spouse cheated first, it still doesn’t justify cheating on them. Whatever the things the other spouse has or has not done does not justify breaking the Ten Commandments and committing adultery (Exodus 20:14).

A person who cheats is revealing who they are. It is a commentary on their character, not on their victim’s.