Some cheaters know their faithful spouse will give them unending, second chances. So, they set up a system to torch the marriage.
These are the haughty cheater types. They think they are the prize and the faithful spouse must demonstrate their worthiness. Such pride is at the root of their sinfully wicked hearts.
They abuse the generosity of the faithful spouse.
Maybe you experienced this?
They knew you’d work at “saving” the marriage. So, they made sure that you would fail. They undermined you with others and did everything to silence you from sharing the truth about their infidelity–for then they would lose the moral high ground.
They behaved as if YOU were the primary problem in the marriage. Their cheating took a back seat.
After all, if they had no problem with the cheating, that is what matters, rights?!
Sadly, pastors and counselors often feed into this entitlement. They fail to call out this arrogance and hardness of heart. In other words, they fail to truly love both the cheater and the faithful spouse.
When a cheater knows their faithful spouse will continue to fight to stay in the marriage, they usually are the one who divorces. I think this is especially true once the “jig is up” for them and their cheating is known by the faithful spouse with hard evidence.
Sadly, they might continue to drag the faithful spouse through the hellish, no win experience of “fighting for the marriage.” But they eventually move along to seek better marks. The last thing they want to give up is the moral high ground. It is about power, after all, for them.
I really think that my now ex husband of almost a year did this to make sure the marriage was completely over. It worked. I most definitely filed for divorce and it was finalized. We are adults, although the situation was extremely hurtful to me, this is life and terrible TERRIBLE things happen. I don’t know who says what in my life but it always feels like just because I speak to my ex from time to time and I still keep a relationship with my mother in law that I’m “hanging on to the marriage” at first, yeah it was difficult for sure but as time has gone on and I’ve been forced to see it and hear about it, I’ve gotten used to living my life without him and accepting the fact that our marriage was stomped all over and thrown away like it was nothing. I’m in a place where I know I can’t go back but I also haven’t moved forward…by choice- that’s because I’m not interested in dating anyone. I just am not. I’m taking all the time I need to heal. It could be forever, I really don’t know but I’ve come to understand that I’m enough- I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and I’m done with it. Do I wish all this never happened? Of course I do, I loved my ex husband with my entire being – but as I was told growing up, if wishes were horses, we’d all take a ride. Things take hard work no matter what you’re doing. I don’t feel people have the need to put any work or effort into staying married or being faithful to anyone- it’s all just make believe.