21 On the appointed day Herod, wearing his royal robes, sat on his throne and delivered a public address to the people. 22 They shouted, “This is the voice of a god, not of a man.” 23 Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died.
-Acts 12:21-23, NIV
Arrogance and Contempt – Twins of Doom
The blinding arrogance of cheaters is truly something to behold. Some think they are SOOO smart that they will NEVER get caught. Ha.
They may couple this arrogance with contempt. The opinion of their spouse is so low that they think they can fool them forever.
I call arrogance and contempt “Twins of Doom” because with their presence, a godly rebuild of the marriage post-adultery is not in the offering. Their presence spells doom for the marriage.
I also believe staying in a marriage with a cheater who holds you in contempt is highly unwise.
You are less than human to an individual in this frame of mind. It is a recipe for all sorts of abuse scenarios.
Humans generally do not consider the feelings of people they hold in contempt unless such considerations are how to maximize their pain.
It is contempt speaking when a cheater refuses to hear the pain they have caused the faithful spouse.
It is contempt speaking when a cheater refuses to stop cheating after getting caught.
It is contempt speaking when a cheater rejects reasonable requests from the faithful spouse.
And blinding arrogance is where contempt starts.
I call it blinding arrogance because cheaters do not seem to recognize basic dissonance. They do not see how ridiculous it sounds to critique their spouse’s Christian walk while they themselves are flagrantly violating the Ten Commandments.
They are blind.
Cheaters have placed themselves in the place of God. They are decided that cheating is more important to them than obeying God. Cheaters are saying with their lives that they know better than God. It is arrogance.
So, it shouldn’t shock us that this arrogance against God bleeds over to their relationship with the faithful partner. It bleeds over with contempt.
You see, faithful spouses are treated as “less than” from their “god-like” arrogant perch.
If a cheater is never humbled before God, then the hope for a healthy marriage rebuild is zero in my pastoral opinion. They have to repent of their defiance of God first. Then they need to repent of all the ways they treated others with contempt and cruelty starting with their spouse.
In my experience in running this blog for several years now, the cheater who does this about face is rare. A cheater who clings to his or her pride and contempt towards the faithful spouse is the norm, sadly.
I am in this position but it is very hard to do.
It was hard for me because I wanted to believe the promises and listen to the words. I had to force myself to go no contact so I could see actions only. I spoke to my pastor about where he was at, and that’s it. Eventually he stopped meeting with the pastor and didn’t follow his advice and his actions over and over contradicted his words. I took one step at a time towards divorce still watching his actions and they only confirmed that his words were deception. God will help you be strong in Him and the strength of His might!