My ex-wife cheated on me and chose divorce over repenting from her sins. That is how my first marriage ended.
I was looking at some old papers recently that chronicled my ecclesiastical trial and aftermath. One thing that stuck out to me was this assumption that “no one is completely innocent” in a divorce.
Such an assumption is just another version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie“–the false idea that we share partial or full blame for our Cheater’s actions and decisions (see 2 Cor 5:10 for why the assumption is a lie).
Now, I was ingrained with this bad assumption. It is hard to deal with such questions when you have internalized this lie.
Then you add external pressures: You look biased and unbalanced to deny such an assumption. People might call you bitter or defensive if you dare suggest you are not responsible for your divorce from a Cheater. So, the lie persists.
The reality is marriages endure all sorts of stresses without divorce happening. Cheating is a very good (and biblical–see Mt. 19:9) justification to end a marriage.
In that instance–when cheating is involved–the answer to who caused the divorce:
“The cheating necessitated the divorce as cheating is abuse on multiple levels. God recognizes this evil as a legitimate reason for divorce to protect the adultery victim from further harm.”
As faithful spouses, we have to first become comfortable leaving it at that. We do not have to justify ourselves to others–whether family or other Christians.
Our bodies and souls are precious.
We do not need to justify exercising the freedom Christ gives us to protect both via divorce from our Cheater.
