Public Service Announcement:

Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling!

One of my many mistakes with my first marriage’s demise was agreeing to see my (now ex) wife’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling. The therapist and her had worked with each other for months, if not years, by that point.

I knew better. As a trained therapist, my (ex) wife knew better. But we tried it.

And it was–as predicted–a disaster.

The therapist was quick to pile on me and failed to help my (ex) wife to see the struggles from my perspective. It was an exercise in reinforcing–in my opinion–contempt for me.

The deck was stacked against me and the marriage even before I entered the counseling room. 

Even assuming non-malicious intent from the therapist, this experienced therapist OUGHT to have known better than to have taken us on as a couple with her having such an extensive history with my (ex) wife.

If you have developed a relationship with one member of the marriage over time, it makes sense that you are more likely to see the troubles from that perspective. That is why it is unwise to go to your cheater’s therapist.

Another reason why it is unwise is clearly this therapist did not help your spouse choose better than to lie and cheat in the first place.

Just. Don’t. Go.

 

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*A version of this post ran previously. I speak as a lay person with life experience, not a therapist.