Cheater apologists are quick to point at the flaws in the marriage and blame the faithful spouse “for their part.”

This is foolishness parading as wisdom.

Sometimes metaphors help us understand how foolish some things actually are:

The marriage is a house.

This house has needed updates. For example, it needs new windows, a fresh coat of painting, and squeaky floor boards need addressing. No one disagrees attention is needed.

However, one of the owners decided to throw a Molotov cocktail into the home. A house no longer exists because the house burned down to the foundation. 

Sure, you can talk about the windows, paint job, or squeaky floors. However, that is pointless.

Someone burned the “house” down!

That Molotov cocktail was adultery. It was explosively destructive to the marriage. And it was intentionally done by ONE party!

Talking about the marriage “problems” as a couple is a complete waste of time as the marriage is no longer there due to the explosive infidelity. 

You don’t have a relationship to fix truly when someone has completely burned down the foundation of trust. Plus, any talk about “squeaky floor” issues is essentially blame-shifting and minimizing of the cheating as if they are on the same level as adultery. In other words, the issues have changed because one spouse cheated.

Please do not waste your time with pastors or other Christian leaders who fail to understand this. They are wasting your time and simply running interference for the “arsonist.”

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.