“In the Bible, lament takes up more space than teaching on forgiveness….
Don’t talk to me about forgiveness unless you’ve made space for me to lament the full story–the messy parts, the painful parts, the parts I wish I could forget, even the parts I’m grateful for. Don’t talk to me ab out forgiveness until you can sit through my entire lament. If you can’t bear to sit and hear the lament, then you probably aren’t in a position to tell me what to forgive and what to retain.”
-Susannah Griffith in Forgiveness After Trauma:A Path to Find Healing and Empowerment, Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2024, pp107.
Recently, I finished reading Susannah Griffith’s Forgiveness After Trauma.
This two hundred page book on the topic of forgiveness in traumatic circumstances is an excellent treatment of some very difficult topics. She does an excellent job holding the tension of respecting the biblical texts while also applying them to real, lived experiences. The book is very compassionate as well as grounded in biblical truth.
The author shares her story about her first marriage and its complicated ending as a Christian. In that story, she recounts instances of domestic violence that ultimately led to the end of her first marriage.
I particularly appreciated the quote provided at the top of my review here. She places a great premium on victims regaining voice and choice in dealing with their situation. Healing and forgiveness can only take place once what is lost is named and lamented–i.e. grieved.
Another theme covered is how coerced forgiveness is not forgiveness at all. That includes using religious pressure to coerce, which is spiritual abuse.
On page 162, she writes this:
“Jesus did not surrender his life because God or anyone else forced him to. Jesus acted as our Savior out of love, not because he was afraid of losing God’s favor if he did not do so. God the Father is not an abuser who insisted that his Son die on the cross. Jesus’s sacrifice has power and meaning because he acted in freedom.”
The point is that we have to have power to choose forgiveness without coercion in order to actually give forgiveness. This is illustrated even in God’s greatest act of forgiveness–namely, his death on the cross.
She has other excellent parts in her book including her treatment of Matthew 18 principles on confronting someone in sin exposing how this is inappropriate when dealing with parties at different power levels (pp 113).
Also, she talks about how holding an abuser accountable is necessary for deeper forgiveness (pp116). It is not an either forgive or hold accountable but rather a both-and matter.
Many really good nuggets of truth are written throughout the two hundred pages of this book. She is real and honest about church hurt. The book rings with authenticity and avoids the ruts of churchy advice on the topic.
I recommend this book for anyone struggling with the concept of forgiveness in light of traumatic situations. Further, I recommend it to anyone who has a high view of the Bible but also is longing for a way to hold onto the faith while not doing further violence to one’s soul.
