19 And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil.
20 For every one that doeth evil hateth the light, neither cometh to the light, lest his deeds should be reproved.
-John 3:19-20, KJV
I have a theory about why some cheaters refuse to admit their sins:
They lack the capacity to be even honest with themselves.
When lying becomes a way of life, it is hard to break this habit. Even harder is to face unpleasant truths about oneself when one has built up a fantasy world where one is “fabulous.”
The truth shatters that “fabulous” facade.
Unfortunately, faithful spouses pay a heavy price for such refusal to be honest. We are left in the dark and even experience their gaslighting. It stinks!
That said, the cheater is to be pitied to some degree in this scene (but not excused!). They have decided to live a lie. In fact, I think the lie is so strong that they have lost the capacity to free themselves from it.
The lie with ultimately destroy them spiritually speaking (see Hebrews 10:26-27).
Yes, their lies cause us pain. However, they are ultimately the ones harmed spiritually as the way of the lie leads to certain spiritual death.
It is a mercy to divorce such people as we do not want to follow them down that path of spiritual destruction ourselves. This is one of the reasons that I thank God for allowing us to divorce cheaters (see Jeremiah 3:8, Matthew 19:9, etc).
I think my husband falls into this category. It’s a horrible thing to watch.
After I found two email addresses on his phone and got on his by using his phone number. It was his password.Did the same with the other woman. He still denies it.