14 Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. 15 These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.
-James 1:14-15, NLT
A biblical approach to adultery situations will NEVER treat such sin as a symptom of a marriage problems!
If they pastor or other leader attempts to address issues in the marriage as opposed to pressing your Cheater to repent, then you know they are ignorant of the Bible on such things. God makes it clear about the origins of sins:
Sin comes from “our own desires!”
Once you’ve identified who is the cheater, you have identified who sinned. Adultery flows from the Cheater’s own heart, NOT the marriage relationship!
Competent spiritual care places the onus for change and repentance upon the Cheater.
A competent spiritual care provider does not give the Cheater space to dodge accountability. They are uninterested in the list of marriage woes that Cheaters often cite to “excuse” their sins. It helps NO ONE to go down that path ultimately.
A faithful spouse cannot fix this as they have no access to their sinning partner’s heart, which is the origin of the problem.
The hard work must be the Cheater’s. They must be willing to repent and surrender ALL the lies they’ve told others and themselves. Humility is needed.
Sadly, humility is usually far from the reach of most Cheaters. Cheating comes from a place of pride and entitlement where the Cheater only consulted their own (wicked) desires. So, don’t hold your breathe. It is likely best to cut your losses and obtain a divorce as is the mercy offered to you as the faithful party (see Mt. 1:19, 19:9, etc.).
