“Talking about it just triggers my toxic shame. I can’t face what I did.” -Cheater This is a real conundrum for a faithful spouse. It is hard to heal when you do not have some of the basic facts and your spouse is refusing to help on that number citing “toxic shame.” The “toxic shame” … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “My toxic shame””
Category: Trauma of adultery
Yes, demonic.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. -I Peter 5:8, NKJV When I speak of the demonic and cheating, I want to be clear. I do NOT believe or support the idea of a cheater being a mere victim of the demonic. … Continue reading “Yes, demonic.”
Done to provoke
Just because your Cheater attends marriage counseling does NOT mean they really want to work on themselves and the marriage. They might be there to provoke you with a witness. Then they can label you crazy or angry as “justification” for their discard. Cheaters are not above using therapy or pastoral counseling to manage their … Continue reading “Done to provoke”
Cheater Overflow
21 For from within, out of a person’s heart, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, wickedness, deceit, lustful desires, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness. 23 All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you. -Mark 7:21-23, NLT Cheaters usually will try to point the finger at anyone other than themselves. The challenge … Continue reading “Cheater Overflow”
Hard Holidays
Holidays can be hard! I just want to acknowledge that. This time of year can be difficult for those of us who are experiencing the traumatic ending of a marriage. They are seasons that bring the loses in focus. It is okay to be sad. It is okay to NOT be okay. Your feelings are … Continue reading “Hard Holidays”
Pining after Cheater-Ex?
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT Cheaters enjoy being the center of your attention. The best revenge is one where they are irrelevant to your life. You are too busy with the new life God has given you to even think of … Continue reading “Pining after Cheater-Ex?”
Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!
No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was. -Job 2:13b, NIV Forgiveness does NOT erase the effects of trauma! You can both forgive and still be revolted by your cheating spouse. The two are not mutually exclusive. I am annoyed with pastors and churches pushing traumatized faithful spouses … Continue reading “Forgiveness does NOT undo trauma!”
Holding it over their head forever?!
“I’m concerned that you will hold this [affair] over my head forever if I stay,” Cheater declares. A cheater who makes such a statement is still more concerned about themselves than the trauma they inflicted on their spouse by cheating. The statement really is revealing. Such a cheater still believes it is about their wishes … Continue reading “Holding it over their head forever?!”
The unknowns suck
Not knowing when the cheating started happening, sucks!!! Maybe you know a general time frame? However, Cheaters are generally silent when it comes to giving you the details you so desire to regain a sense of clarity about what was happening over the months or years. It sucks. This is another loss among many when … Continue reading “The unknowns suck”
A wicked way to go!
If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Cheaters sometimes choose adultery as a way to totally blow up their marriage on the way out. They are executing their plan to abandon their spouse via the … Continue reading “A wicked way to go!”