A few months back, I watched a video where the commentator talked about cheating and likened it to cake. I am riffing off that commentary today. Affairs are like walking into the kitchen to find your Cheater holding two chocolate chip cookies…. You say, “You know that you aren’t supposed to be eating chocolate chip … Continue reading “Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources
While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”
Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors
4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”
No, God does not expect us to be “friends.”
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. -Proverbs 12:26, NIV The beauty of friendship is that we get to CHOOSE who we have as friends! I encourage you to choose friends who behave like friends. And I encourage you to jettison those who refuse to choose between … Continue reading “No, God does not expect us to be “friends.””
Spiritual Abuse and Cheating
“What Is Spiritual Abuse? Any attempt to exert power and control over someone using religion, faith, or beliefs can be spiritual abuse.” –WebMD 7 “The words of a priest’s lips should preserve knowledge of God, and people should go to him for instruction, for the priest is the messenger of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. 8 But you … Continue reading “Spiritual Abuse and Cheating”
Hurt more hearts than one!
I love an–now–older Country song about dating that highlights how romantic relationships impact the whole family. It is a nice popular cultural corrective to the idea that these relationships do not touch anyone beside the couple. This is especially true when it comes to marriage and divorce. The singer is Ingrid Andress, and her song … Continue reading “Hurt more hearts than one!”
I was interviewed for a podcast! Talking Spiritual Abuse and Divorce.
Earlier this past month, I had the privilege to speak with Tracy Schorn and Sarah Gorrell on Spiritual Abuse and Infidelity for their podcast, Tell Me How You’re Mighty. The interview is now live on YouTube. Here is the (click here).
Christian-ese: “Own your part of the marriage’s breakdown.”
“And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery–unless his wife has been unfaithful.” -Matthew 19:9, NLT What did YOU contribute to your marriage’s breakdown?! Years ago, I used to believe this was a reasonable question to ask any divorced individual. After all, we are imperfect creatures. We … Continue reading “Christian-ese: “Own your part of the marriage’s breakdown.””
Adultery needs exposure for the evil it is.
But those elders who are sinning you are to reprove before everyone, so that the others may take warning. -I Timothy 5:20, NIV Over the years, people like to judge me for continuing this blog ministry: “He must be bitter.” “I am concerned about his new family. He you would think he would have moved on … Continue reading “Adultery needs exposure for the evil it is.”
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.
Starting Point: Cheating is abuse. The more I do this work, the more I am convinced this is THE defining assumption missing among Christian leaders. They treat adultery as less than abuse. If they get this assumption wrong, then all sorts of bad counsel flows from it. Conversely, if they get this assumption correct, there … Continue reading “Starting Point: Cheating is abuse.”