Category: Trauma of adultery

My ministry philosophy

35 Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -Matthew 9:35-36, NIV My hurt is burdened for those who are … Continue reading “My ministry philosophy”

Don’t want someone’s pity.

“I can tell you are still tender, healing.” -“Well-Meaning” Observer What bothers me the most about these sort of statements is how they are usually stated as a way to express compassion for the faithful spouse but really just communicate pity. Who enjoys being the object of pity?! Now, it is true that the infidelity … Continue reading “Don’t want someone’s pity.”

What went wrong? Adulterous abuse is what.

Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Christians need not dig very deep to figure out what went wrong in a marriage when adultery occurred. Modern psychology and so called “Christian” counseling might disagree with me. However, I am very adamant that we do not treat adultery as a side issue or symptom to … Continue reading “What went wrong? Adulterous abuse is what.”

PSA: The real shame is committing adultery, Pastors!

But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away. -Proverbs 6:32-33, NIV The real shame is not faithful spouses divorcing cheaters, pastors. The real shame is Christians committing adultery! Preaching or counseling against divorce is a little late when it comes … Continue reading “PSA: The real shame is committing adultery, Pastors!”

Not telling is simply lying by another name

“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires…When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” -John 8:44a,c, NIV “Not telling” (about the adulterous affair) is simply “lying” by another name. I think Satan has a heyday with … Continue reading “Not telling is simply lying by another name”

Preach naked and only then will I consider following Hosea’s example!

…the Lord told Isaiah son of Amoz, “Take off the burlap you have been wearing, and remove your sandals.” Isaiah did as he was told and walked around naked and barefoot. Then the Lord said, “My servant Isaiah has been walking around naked and barefoot for the last three years.”  -Isaiah 20:2-3a, NLT To the pastor insisting … Continue reading “Preach naked and only then will I consider following Hosea’s example!”

Quick test of “professionals”

Question: Do you believe cheating is abuse? Anything less than an unequivocal “Yes” is a sign that this professional will attempt to blame you for the cheating. They will engage in some version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie“–namely, you are partially or fully to blame for the cheating. It is a simple test: one question. … Continue reading “Quick test of “professionals””

An “innocent party” in divorce?

Is there such thing as an “innocent party” in a divorce? Yes. I struggled with this question when fighting to retain my minister’s license years ago. Psycho-babble (and evil along with it) is  winning when we cannot identify or distinguish between the innocent party and the perpetrator. Now, I understand those who say we all … Continue reading “An “innocent party” in divorce?”

You do NOT owe them agreement!

While an abusive cheater may act otherwise, he or she is NOT entitled to your agreement. They might want you to agree to a blasé narrative about why you are divorcing absent all mention of their marriage-ending sin. They might want you to agree to never bring up the cheater partner. They might want you … Continue reading “You do NOT owe them agreement!”