Forgiveness as act of trust

Trusting God with our hurts is hard. Forgiveness is about doing just that, though. It is allowing God be God in our situation. But forgiving our cheater is nearly impossible if we believe we care more about justice than God. Justice matters to God. He did not just give sin a pass. It isn’t cheap … Continue reading “Forgiveness as act of trust”

Not a legitimate way to bring up issues!

“I only cheated to get your attention,” says Cheater. Cheaters who say this are shifting blame onto their victims for their abusive sins. It is wicked. I could get your attention by shooting you in the foot. Saying I did this to get your attention does not excuse this behavior or make it acceptable in … Continue reading “Not a legitimate way to bring up issues!”

Church-y Analysis Sharing the Blame

Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And prudent in their own sight! -Isaiah 5:21, NKJV The practice of some pastors is to treat adultery on the same level as failure to do one’s share of the household chores. They are not the same! This leveling of offenses is called “sin-leveling” where someone treats … Continue reading “Church-y Analysis Sharing the Blame”

Called to ministry of reconciliation. To Cheaters, too?

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation…. – 2 Corinthians 5:18, NIV Do we not all have the ministry of reconciliation as followers of Christ? Does that include reconciling with Cheaters? The obvious answer to the first question is “Yes, we are called … Continue reading “Called to ministry of reconciliation. To Cheaters, too?”

Going to spiritual war with prayers

The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe. -Proverbs 29:25, KJV   Evicting the voices and judgments of others in our heads is a hard thing to do. This is doubly so when the person who spoke destructive things about us was someone whom we … Continue reading “Going to spiritual war with prayers”

Important to have validation

Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Important to have validation”

Tenaciously holding on to truth

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -John 8:32, NIV Regardless of how we feel or what other people–including professionals–say, we did not “make” them cheat and thereby abuse us. This is an important truth to hold on to through this dark season. We are not responsible for another’s … Continue reading “Tenaciously holding on to truth”

Need accountability, not ego-strokes!

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV Cheaters do not need reminders of their special-ness. They do NOT need ego-strokes. They need reminders that they are accountable for their sinful behavior. A godly pastor will keep this in mind … Continue reading “Need accountability, not ego-strokes!”