“Almost 40% polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.” -Bill Mills & Craig Parro. Finishing Well In Life & Ministry. Leadership Resources International, 2008, pp 14. This statistic about pastors or ministry leaders is from 2002 and was put out by Bill Bright, Campus Crusade’s founder. So, the data is a … Continue reading “Nearly Forty Percent!!!”
Category: Trauma of adultery
Do not commit adultery is a command!
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV I wonder how this commandment has become second fiddle to couples’ counseling “wisdom” for so many pastors. So much time goes into the “why” of the cheating and little time is spent on pointing out the willful nature of the sin. In other words, pastors can be … Continue reading “Do not commit adultery is a command!”
Owning or being owned by sin
For we must all stand before Christ to be judged. We will each receive whatever we deserve for the good or evil we have done in this earthly body. -2 Corinthians 5:10, NLT “Why did you choose to sin?” This is the question for the cheater. Until they understand the answer to this, they cannot repent. The … Continue reading “Owning or being owned by sin”
“Tell your family and friends to stop…”
“Tell your family and friends to stop telling [Cheater] to not divorce you,” says Cheater Supporter. My divorce happened because my Cheater chose it.* At the time, I was trying to dissuade her from what I considered an sinful divorce on her part. While I was still wishing to avoid divorce, a supporter of my … Continue reading ““Tell your family and friends to stop…””
Good intentions not enough
“The road to Hell is paved… …with good intentions.” -A proverb This saying is a wise one to remember when dealing with the aftermath that comes following infidelity discovery. It applies both to the actual cheater and to those who profess they are only giving “care.” “I never intended to hurt you.” – Cheater … Continue reading “Good intentions not enough”
Pharisee or Enemy? Categories matter.
And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two. -Matthew 5:41, NKJV In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness. -Matthew 23:28, NIV When dealing with a “Christian” cheater, another level of complexity is placed on Christians … Continue reading “Pharisee or Enemy? Categories matter.”
Another Podcast Resource: “Therapy and Theology”
Recently, someone alerted me to an excellent podcast on infidelity discovery and betrayal trauma in general. It is Lysa TerKeurst’s podcast. Her podcast is “Therapy and Theology” and this particular season is Season 7 as they tackle to topic of betrayal. I listened to the first episode entitled “I’m Afraid I’m Being Betrayed” and found … Continue reading “Another Podcast Resource: “Therapy and Theology””
Temptation to write off all…
When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses. I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where … Continue reading “Temptation to write off all…”
Pure Escapism!
Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? -Proverbs 6:27, NIV Pure Escapism I think it is important for faithful spouses to remember that their Cheater is indulging in fantasy. Their illicit relationship is not based in substance and therefore is doomed from the start. It is escapism. Instead of … Continue reading “Pure Escapism!”
Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path
One of my most important and hardest lessons that I teach is… You only control you. I think it is a common impulse to seek to warn others about your ex. This is especially true–I think–if they are in the helping professions where people are vulnerable to them. The impulse to do this–at least for … Continue reading “Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path”