Category: Trauma of adultery

PSA: They did not “have to” cheat!

  Public Service Announcement (PSA): They did NOT have to cheat on you! No matter what. They chose sin over godliness, and that is on them. Personally, I think this is the most tragic thing about marital infidelity. It is also one of the oldest of lies–i.e. that they “had to” cheat. The cheater did … Continue reading “PSA: They did not “have to” cheat!”

Sick toying Cheaters

Some cheaters are acutely aware of the power they have over the faithful spouse. They understand that divorcing their spouse will mean the professional destruction of the faithful spouse. Plus, they may know that the faithful spouse is highly committed to working through even infidelity. With this knowledge, they toy with the faithful spouse taking … Continue reading “Sick toying Cheaters”

If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings”…

If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings,” then they aren’t bothering the Cheater. This is a classic move by Cheaters. They convince the pastor or other helper to focus upon the faithful spouse and their so called “shortcomings.” The faithful spouse takes the hit as they might be terrified of the marriage ending. It is … Continue reading “If everyone is focused on your “shortcomings”…”

Cheater-Speak: “But we were living apart then!”

“It is not adultery. We were living apart at the time,” says Cheater. A cheater trying to avoid responsibility for violating their marriage vows might attempt to use the “geography excuse.” This is the one where they excuse their behavior as “acceptable” since they were living apart from their spouse. The separation might have even … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “But we were living apart then!””

Sucked back into their chaos

Cheaters are “gifted” in sucking you back into their chaos. If you spent years allowing your Cheater to do what they wanted, it is hard to change that dynamic. It is difficult to stand up for oneself and hold to appropriate boundaries. They will test your boundaries. It is what they do. For example, you … Continue reading “Sucked back into their chaos”

So Freaking Selfish!

An adulterous woman consumes a man,     then wipes her mouth and says, “What’s wrong with that?” -Proverbs 30:20, NLT So FREAKING Selfish! Cheaters are so very self-centered and self-serving. Even after getting caught, they will continue make choices to sooth their own desires. It is symptomatic of their sick hearts. Sometimes, it is hard to … Continue reading “So Freaking Selfish!”

Biggest Marital Sin?

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV Which is the biggest marital sin that one can commit according to the Bible? Adultery. Cheaters–and sometimes, even well-meaning pastors–sometimes treat adultery as a side problem to marriage troubles. This … Continue reading “Biggest Marital Sin?”

Cheater-Speak: “I just needed a break.”

“I just needed  a break from our marriage,” says Cheater. There is no “Pause” button on the marriage covenant. You are either honoring or dishonoring your covenant commitments. No “Pause” option. Living as if one is not married is the ultimate living a lie for a spouse. It is treating one’s spouse with contempt and … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I just needed a break.””

Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?

“Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?” I hate that question. It is a “Loaded Question”–meaning it assumes you did something to destroy your marriage. Such questions are errors in reasoning–i.e. logical fallacies. While the question looks reasonable, it is really just a dressed up version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie,” … Continue reading “Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?”