A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back. -Proverbs 29:11, NKJV I have little doubt cheaters have issues. They may even have some legitimate complaints about us, their spouses. However, these legitimate issues are not excuses to sin. God does not give us permission to sin. What many people get wrong with … Continue reading “Reacting to issues versus responding to issues”
Category: Anger
Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid. That is why I lied to you.”
“I was afraid of your reaction. That is why I lied.” -Cheater Like a child who did wrong, a cheater sometimes feigns fear in order to avoid accountability.* They equate a righteous anger response with reason or justification to lie to the spouse they have wronged. It is not godly. It is another reason I … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I was afraid. That is why I lied to you.””
Today would have been our 14th anniversary
Fourteen years ago today, I married my cheater. It feels like a lifetime ago. We were young and naive. At least, I was naive. The experience of marrying a cheater took away a lot of my innocence and naivete. Honestly, it equipped me for my work today–i.e. working in a prison with manipulative individuals. God … Continue reading “Today would have been our 14th anniversary”
Is it bitterness or injustice driving this reaction?
God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Christians are quick to judge faithful spouses as “bitter” without pausing to consider another–more likely–origin of such strong anger: Injustice. To be angry at injustice is a good and godly response to have. It is not “bitterness” but … Continue reading “Is it bitterness or injustice driving this reaction?”
On an angry God
God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, KJV Do we really want to follow a deity that never gets angry? I do not think so. Such is a deity who is incapable of real love. Such is a deity unmoved by injustice. Such is a deity out … Continue reading “On an angry God”
Anger fades with time and work
God is a just judge, And God is angry with the wicked every day. -Psalm 7:11, NKJV Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. I will say that again: Anger is a healthy, godly response to adultery. When we do not feel angry over such injustice and wickedness, something is seriously wrong with our walk with the Lord. He is angry … Continue reading “Anger fades with time and work”
Reminder to forgive really for whom?
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. -Romans 12:15, NKJV What astounds me about some Christians is how they believe they are helping faithful spouses by telling them that they must forgive their cheater. Most of us–faithful spouses–already understand forgiving our cheater is on the docket of things to do in … Continue reading “Reminder to forgive really for whom?”
Spiritual trauma best addressed by faithful pastors
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. -Proverbs 17:22, NIV Much of the suffering faithful spouses experience is spiritual in nature. Writing this blog for a couple of years, the questions I encounter center around deep spiritual pain and confusion. These are not so much the nuts and … Continue reading “Spiritual trauma best addressed by faithful pastors”
NOT hating adultery is sin!
Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. -Romans 12:9b, NIV “If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil.” -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Hate gets such an undeserved reputation among Christians. Sometimes the right thing to do is to hate. Evil … Continue reading “NOT hating adultery is sin!”
Sometimes our spirits register wrongs
When I was attending counseling sessions with my ex, I remember feeling full of panic going to these lay counselors. The time with them was upsetting to put it mildly. I suspect my anger and fear–i.e. panic–were registering danger even though my head was unable to make sense of it in the moment. God has … Continue reading “Sometimes our spirits register wrongs”