Cannot Un-Hear the Awful News

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11, NIV Usually, people who have never experienced being lied to and cheated upon for months or even years do not get it! They might think the faithful spouse better off not knowing the truth about the betrayal. But I do … Continue reading “Cannot Un-Hear the Awful News”

Thinking Critically: Is someone less culpable for murder if their victim has cancer?

“Sure, I cheated. But that is not what killed our marriage. You…” -Cheater Is someone who shoots and kills a cancer patient less of a murderer because his victim had cancer? Of course, not. Generally speaking, we do not waste weeks and months trying to figure out what killed someone when they obviously bled out … Continue reading “Thinking Critically: Is someone less culpable for murder if their victim has cancer?”

Does telling destroy the marriage? No.

“We were perfectly fine as a couple before she found out I cheated. Now, she is angry with me and is threatening divorce. I blame you for this mess, because you told her!” -Cheater Husband In what alternate serious situation would we accept this sort of blame-shifting reasoning?! The whistleblower who exposes fraud and abuse … Continue reading “Does telling destroy the marriage? No.”

Not Craftier Than God!

…and be sure your sin will find you out. -Numbers 32:23b, KJV He catches the wise in their craftiness,     and the schemes of the wily are swept away. -Job 5:13, NIV From my cheater’s response in the initial confrontation over her adulterous affair, I am convinced she thought I would never discover her cheating.  She … Continue reading “Not Craftier Than God!”

Film Grading, Critical Errors, and Understanding Infidelity

After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Film Grading, Critical Errors, and Understanding Infidelity”

Does through ‘better or worse’ include infidelity?

“If a man commits adultery with his neighbor’s wife, both the man and the woman who have committed adultery must be put to death.” -Leviticus 20:10, NLT Does staying married through ‘better or worse’ include through infidelity? Short answer: No. Here’s the longer, biblical reasons I say that… I quote Leviticus 20:10 not to suggest that we … Continue reading “Does through ‘better or worse’ include infidelity?”

But what about the damage to their reputation?!

“Keep it as quiet as possible. Just think about the damage done to other relationships if you tell them she cheated on you [aka the truth].” -Standard (Awful) Advice Such concern for the damage of relationships is too in coming late. Actions reveal character. Character often shapes reputation. If a cheater wanted a good reputation, … Continue reading “But what about the damage to their reputation?!”