Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman: she takes what she wants and then says, “I’ve done nothing wrong.” -Proverbs 30:20, TPT Cheaters are entitled users. They bank on the faithful spouse trusting them to continue their deceptions without consequences (like a divorce and all that comes with that). In other words, they … Continue reading “Entitled users”
Category: Emotional Affair
“Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie
The “Unmet Needs” Theory Lie: Put succinctly… …teaches faithful spouses that their deficiencies at home is what drove the adulterous spouse to cheat. The faithful spouse was not sexually available enough. The faithful spouse was not emotionally adept and engaged enough. You know the drill. I have heard in horror how even pastors operate under … Continue reading ““Unmet Needs” Excuse–aka Lie”
Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!
“She has been cheating on me these last few months. I can’t stay married to her considering all of that,” says the faithful spouse. “Don’t be so hasty. After all, are you without sin?” says the cheater apologist. Such a response from a “Christian” cheater apologist is far from helpful. Not all sins have the … Continue reading “Cheater Apologist: Well, are you without sin?!”
Unhelpful price for Christian “support”
Hate evil and love what is good; turn your courts into true halls of justice. Perhaps even yet the Lord God of Heaven’s Armies will have mercy on the remnant of his people. -Amos 5:15, NLT Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously is an online community where I do not blame the victims of adultery. Too often, I … Continue reading “Unhelpful price for Christian “support””
Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies
A few months back, I watched a video where the commentator talked about cheating and likened it to cake. I am riffing off that commentary today. Affairs are like walking into the kitchen to find your Cheater holding two chocolate chip cookies…. You say, “You know that you aren’t supposed to be eating chocolate chip … Continue reading “Affairs are like chocolate chip cookies”
Not the role of a spouse
Free Marriage Advice: If you are looking to your spouse to prove that you are lovable, you are looking to the wrong person. When we look to humans to fill a God-shaped hole, we will always be disappointed. Humans were never intended to “fix” us. Only God can satisfy the deepest longings in our souls. … Continue reading “Not the role of a spouse”
I believe God can raise the dead, but…
I believe God can and does raise the dead, but… …I still do funerals. This is my stance on marriages ravaged by infidelity. I believe some can be resurrected; however, that is a miracle. It is about as common as a funeral ending in a resurrection today. That is to say, not common. The natural … Continue reading “I believe God can raise the dead, but…”
Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources
While I am thankful for the help of some Christian resources in my dark season, I discovered most had an agenda apart from freely presenting the options. Most Christian resources–in my experience–are focused upon “saving the marriage.” This goal is pursued at the unacknowledged cost of the faithful spouse’s well-being. For these authors and pastors, … Continue reading “Contrast to the usual “Christian” resources”
Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors
4 Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. -Hebrews 13:4, NLT “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors” This is the phrase I find myself using to describe my ministry here and in person to others in the Church. I might … Continue reading “Marital Infidelity Abuse Survivors”
No, God does not expect us to be “friends.”
The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. -Proverbs 12:26, NIV The beauty of friendship is that we get to CHOOSE who we have as friends! I encourage you to choose friends who behave like friends. And I encourage you to jettison those who refuse to choose between … Continue reading “No, God does not expect us to be “friends.””