“I cheated on you emotionally. But don’t worry. I already worked through it with my individual therapist.” -Cheater Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. -Genesis 6:4b, NLT I wonder how many here have heard something like this from their cheater. The cheater has declared themselves “fixed” but are unwilling “to show … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I worked through my affair with my therapist already.””
Category: Emotional Affair
Game Film and “Critical Errors” Applied to Cheaters
After a Saturday football game, my college coaches would take the game “film” and grade how each of us–athletes–performed in that contest. One category used in their film grading system was called “critical errors.” This label was reserved for mistakes so big that the mistake caused the play to fail. For an offensive lineman, a … Continue reading “Game Film and “Critical Errors” Applied to Cheaters”
Wanting it all back to “normal”
18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:18-19, KJV When the news broke for me, I remember driving … Continue reading “Wanting it all back to “normal””
Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge
And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned [to divorce her] secretly. -Matthew 1:19, NASB (footnoted alternate translation used in brackets) Do we consider a rape victim “hurt and vengeful” for choosing to have her rapist prosecuted for his crime? I wouldn’t. It is a matter of justice … Continue reading “Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge”
PSA: No list!
Public Service Announcement (PSA): Do not send your cheater a list of reasons you want to remain married to them! Yes, I learned this one the hard way. Such a list only invites entitled contempt from the cheater. The last thing a cheater needs is someone stroking their ego. They already think they are awesome–even … Continue reading “PSA: No list!”
Telling you how a Christian should behave
How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? -Matthew 7:4, NIV Some cheaters are so bold as to believe they know how YOU need to improve as a Christian! They are breaking several of the … Continue reading “Telling you how a Christian should behave”
Source of misery
Assuming a cheater is miserable because their spouse is so lousy is a dangerously bad assumption. The misery may simply result from a discord between their actions and their morals. They cannot escape the condemnation in their hearts over the sins they are committing. It is also possible their misery is a result of unresolved … Continue reading “Source of misery”
Feeding the entitlement beast
Some pastors and marriage counselors simply feed the cheater’s entitlement. Even when a cheater confesses infidelity–say an emotional affair–some will choose to focus on the faithful party’s “deficiencies.” They will treat the cheater as the “victim” in the marriage as opposed to the sinful aggressor that they are. Such people fail to understand and apply … Continue reading “Feeding the entitlement beast”
Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous
Cheaters sometimes come with the faithful spouse to a pastor (or Christian marriage counselor) with a list. This is a list designed to excuse their behavior and keep the focus off their own sin. Many take the bait. We, faithful spouses, think that if we do the requested self-improvements then we can save our marriage. … Continue reading “Spouse improvement lists from the adulterous”
Blaming you for the emotional affair
If the cheater blames you for their emotional affair… …be aware that they will have no problem blaming you for a physical affair, too! This is one of the many reasons to take an emotional affairs seriously. Once the cheater feels embolden to believe lies about emotional affairs–namely, they are not responsible for such sin–then … Continue reading “Blaming you for the emotional affair”