“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” -Revelations 21:8, NIV (emphasis mine) What if pastors led with this verse from Jesus to cheaters as opposed … Continue reading “Spiritually Dangerous!”
Category: Forgiveness
Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Reminding self: Why would you want that back?!”
Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation needs to come long before forgiveness talk”
Wish I would be invited to teach seminary students on adultery and divorce
If I could write my own ticket, I would teach a seminary class on helping adultery victims and holding cheaters accountable. -Included in this class would be a primer on how divorce is not always sin as well as how divorce can be a mercy to victims of infidelity. Anger and ire ought to be … Continue reading “Wish I would be invited to teach seminary students on adultery and divorce”
“Root of bitterness” manipulation
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too spineless to … Continue reading ““Root of bitterness” manipulation”
When a cheater declines offer to rebuild marriage…
“Even if she cheated on me, I would still stay with her and try to make the marriage work,” says faithful spouse. “You’d just hold that over her head forever,” replies cheater apologist. When this is the mentality or response from the cheater side, you know the marriage is done. This sort of response exposes … Continue reading “When a cheater declines offer to rebuild marriage…”
Most basic moral code failure
Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony…” -Matthew 19:17b-18, NIV Keeping the Ten Commandments are required for entering (eternal) life per … Continue reading “Most basic moral code failure”
My mistake in re-engaging
The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “My mistake in re-engaging”
Only 27 Percent of Protestant Pastors Believe “Adultery” Permanently Disqualifying!
Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…. -I Timothy 3:2, NIV (Emphasis mine) LifeWay Research just published a study on Protestant pastor views on restoration of pastors after committing “adultery.” The results are not so surprising to me. Only 27% are willing to … Continue reading “Only 27 Percent of Protestant Pastors Believe “Adultery” Permanently Disqualifying!”
Pro-Tip: Faithful spouses need condemnation free spaces, pastors!
Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us…. -Romans 8:33-34a, NLT What faithful spouses need more than spiritual advice are people willing to listen to them without condemnation. Faithful spouses are recovering … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Faithful spouses need condemnation free spaces, pastors!”