4 On the day Jonah entered the city, he shouted to the crowds: “Forty days from now Nineveh will be destroyed!” -Jonah 3:4, NLT Cheaters need pastors focused on exhorting them to repent. We do them no favors by holding back about this important spiritual work. Their souls are in danger (see Heb 10:26-27). Instead of … Continue reading “Emphasize repentance!”
Category: Forgiveness
Give up on being the “model victim”
3 Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed. 4 Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. -Psalm 82:3-4, NIV Do you ever feel like you have to be the “model victim” when sharing your adultery abuse story with other Christians? This might manifest … Continue reading “Give up on being the “model victim””
Too trusting and naive
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” -I Corinthians 13:11, NIV Most of my fellow pastors are ill-equipped to handle situations where adultery is present. Seminary trains us … Continue reading “Too trusting and naive”
I doubt it.
Even a child is known by his doings, Whether his work be pure, and whether it be right. -Proverbs 20:11, KJV Do I think my Cheater (and her sinful cohorts) have changed for the better? I doubt it. Character does not change overnight. My last contact with my ex-wife had her stuck in arguing realities … Continue reading “I doubt it.”
Entitled to Forgiveness?!
26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, NIV These verses ought to give pause to every Christian believing repentance is irrelevant to receiving God’s forgiveness. … Continue reading “Entitled to Forgiveness?!”
Why not focus on Cheater repentance more?
Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. -Hebrews 12:15b, NLT 26 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. -Hebrews 10:26-27, … Continue reading “Why not focus on Cheater repentance more?”
Cheaters as provokers. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. -Proverbs 25:28, NLT For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control. -2 Timothy 1:7, TPT Some cheaters thrive off of provoking the faithful spouse to anger. I believe this. It … Continue reading “Cheaters as provokers. Don’t give them the satisfaction.”
Need to be assertive
After learning about the cheating, it is imperative to be assertive. This is why anger is helpful. I struggled with this one, honestly. The fear of the future and wishing to avoid divorce at all costs–initially–led me to make mistakes. The advice out there for Christians–especially–is generally unhelpful with this. It has a tendency to … Continue reading “Need to be assertive”
Made a humiliating list
When I was separated from my cheater, I made a list. It is humiliating looking back on it. I wrote up a list of reasons for why I wanted to stay married to her (even though, I knew she was a cheater). As you might have guessed, she responded to it with contempt. In part, … Continue reading “Made a humiliating list”
Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation LONG before Forgiveness talk”