“I don’t want to hear any more about what he did to you. What we need to talk about is your NEED to forgive!” -Christian “friend” Some Christians seemed flummoxed by the faithful spouse’s recoil at such a response to their situation. What these “friends” fail to see is what they actually saying and doing … Continue reading “Familiar abusive approach”
Category: Forgiveness
The betrayed is Jesus!
23 For I received from the Lord what I also passed on to you: The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread…. -I Corinthians 11:23, NIV (Emphasis mine) I was listening to a podcast the other day and was struck by this well-known passage. These words have been spoken for thousand of years … Continue reading “The betrayed is Jesus!”
Validation before talking forgiveness
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! Speaking from my personal experience as well as from … Continue reading “Validation before talking forgiveness”
Complications from “theft of reality”
I do not remember precisely where I read or heard the term “theft of reality.” Most likely, I came upon it through Chump Lady or one of the many books I have read on spiritual abuse. “Theft of reality” is a term used to describe how we–faithful spouses–experience a marital narrative with serious truth–and thereby … Continue reading “Complications from “theft of reality””
On “Root of Bitterness”
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. -Hebrews 12:15, NIV In order to avoid the discomfort of facing injustice and naming it as such, some Christians turn on faithful spouses calling them “bitter.” They are too … Continue reading “On “Root of Bitterness””
God looks upon the heart – Parable of Unforgiving Servant
32 Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, ‘You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. 33 Shouldn’t you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?’ -Matthew 18:32-33, NLT A big struggle with us, faithful spouse, surrounds the topic of forgiveness. … Continue reading “God looks upon the heart – Parable of Unforgiving Servant”
Calculating power dynamics
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. -I Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV “You would just hold this over my head for the rest of our marriage if I stayed,” … Continue reading “Calculating power dynamics”
God forgives THOSE WHO REPENT!
When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened. – Jonah 3:10, NIV To advert absolute destruction by God, the Ninevites repented and God mercifully relented from carrying out His judgment upon them. This is the clear pattern of … Continue reading “God forgives THOSE WHO REPENT!”
Obscuring religious language
“I only say this because I love you…” -Cheater-Apologist “For your own good, I hope you have forgiven them.” -Concerned Christian I cannot stand people who use the name of Christ to manipulate other Christians. This is the result of my experiences around the dissolution of my first marriage. I sadly encountered many “Christians” professing … Continue reading “Obscuring religious language”
“But you would hold that over my head forever,” says Cheater.
“I would forgive anything including cheating,” says Faithful Spouse. “But you would just hold that over me forever,” replies Cheater. Because the church has taught a distorted version of forgiveness, Cheaters feel entitled to forgiveness. They assume a Christian spouse will have to forgive them. The church has failed to teach the place of repentance when … Continue reading ““But you would hold that over my head forever,” says Cheater.”