Next week, I am planning on returning to a location I last visited prior to my divorce. It is a full circle sort of experience. God has provided an opportunity for me to show Mrs. DM my old stomping grounds on the East Coast. I have ambivalent feelings about it. However, I suspect it will … Continue reading “Circling back”
Category: Grief
New and BETTER life a decade later!
Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. -Isaiah 61:7, NIV A decade ago. My cheater walked out of my life a decade ago abandoning me and our marriage. … Continue reading “New and BETTER life a decade later!”
Two greatest pastoral errors towards faithful spouses
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has….” -Job 42:7, NIV Over and over, I see two common pastoral errors in “helping” faithful spouses. They … Continue reading “Two greatest pastoral errors towards faithful spouses”
Could have gone another way!
A danger for faithful spouses is focusing on the fantasy and not the reality of their situation. A spouse who cheats is the opposite of what the faithful spouse signed up for on their wedding day. Obviously, the marriage could have gone a very different way. I think it is wise to acknowledge this. Something precious was … Continue reading “Could have gone another way!”
Seen, not just watched!
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. -Psalm 56:8, NLT A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of jumping on a live online event with Fr. Gregory Boyle. He is a priest whose life work is directed … Continue reading “Seen, not just watched!”
“You just weren’t right for each other,” says the Monday-Morning Quarterback.
“You just weren’t right for each other.” -Christian (giving a pass to the cheater) I find this sort of Monday morning quarterbacking annoying. It is obvious that a cheater and faithful spouse have different values based on their actions. That alone says that they are not compatible. If we knew our spouse was going to … Continue reading ““You just weren’t right for each other,” says the Monday-Morning Quarterback.”
Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!”
“How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!” -Petulant Cheater A cheater may take off her ring in order to avoid the constant reminder of her infidelity. This symbolic act speaks volumes. There is a reason we exchange rings in marriage ceremonies. The symbol is indicative of the vows exchanged between the couple before … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “How dare you insist I wear my wedding ring!””
On the death of dreams
And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, “For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him [Joseph].” -Genesis 37:35, KJV Giving up the dreams regarding your marriage are tough. I had … Continue reading “On the death of dreams”
Validation: “Yes, it happened. Yes, it was wrong.”
Reality validation. This is gift others can give to a faithful spouse. Sometimes we need someone to tell us the simple but hard truth. The adultery happened. And–no–we are in no way responsible for the infidelity. It was wrong. No justification for the cheater cheating exists. I think these messages are especially important for the … Continue reading “Validation: “Yes, it happened. Yes, it was wrong.””
Regarding friends–good news and bad news…
A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. -Proverbs 17:17, NLT Good news and bad news about friends during times of marital distress: First, I will share the bad news: Some of the most painful betrayals will be friends and even family choosing the cheater over … Continue reading “Regarding friends–good news and bad news…”