Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “Transported by a song”
Category: Grief
Beware of oversharing
Some people just cannot handle the souls of others well. The conversation where a faithful spouse spills their grief and pain results in a shaming exercise where the Christian listener warns the faithful spouse about bitterness and God’s hatred of divorce. I know I fell into the “oversharing trap” early in my marriage’s dissolution. Too … Continue reading “Beware of oversharing”
Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Word of Caution: You’re vulnerable!”
The Danger and Allure of Premature Forgiveness
…and if you see him going the wrong direction, cry out and correct him. If there is true repentance on his part, forgive him. -Luke 17:3, TPT What I find interesting is how much advice is given about forgiveness for faithful spouses as if this is the hardest part–convincing faithful spouses to forgive. I don’t … Continue reading “The Danger and Allure of Premature Forgiveness”
Natural time to look to the future and the “new things” God is doing!
18 Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. 19 Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. -Isaiah 43:18-19, KJV I love history. Maybe that love the past and … Continue reading “Natural time to look to the future and the “new things” God is doing!”
Divorce grief and the community
Divorce impacts a community. Like the sin of adultery, it is not a private affair (see Deut. 22:22). The divorce hits the whole network of relationships. It is painful to face the reality that a couple is no longer a couple. This is doubly so when you like and connected with both spouses. This way of … Continue reading “Divorce grief and the community”
Pining after your cheater? Rebuild your life and leave them as an unpleasant footnote.
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT Cheaters enjoy being the center of your attention. The best revenge is one where they are irrelevant to your life. You are too busy with the new life God has given you to even think of … Continue reading “Pining after your cheater? Rebuild your life and leave them as an unpleasant footnote.”
The grief can be complicated.
Grief hurts. It surprises even years after the loss. You might think you have “dealt with that” only to discover feelings ambush you at some surprise moment. Our culture does not do grief well. Churches can be especially bad on this number. This is particularly true as it comes to the grief associated with a … Continue reading “The grief can be complicated.”
Nine years later… barely a memory!
Yesterday, it would have been nine years since I received word that my divorce was finalized. It nearly went by without my notice. For a moment, I wondered if it had already passed without my notice. Yet, that is all I did–i.e. notice it. This response is one that I could not even imagine nine … Continue reading “Nine years later… barely a memory!”
Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving to my faithful spouses in the USA! I know this day may be a tough day for some of you. However, I would encourage both acknowledging those feelings exist AND thinking about what gives you gratitude as part of developing the spiritual discipline of thanksgiving. So, in the spirit of the holiday and … Continue reading “Happy Thanksgiving!”