When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. -Matthew 9:36, NIV Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously Critics of me and this blog often have the wrong picture of what this website is (By the way, thank you to all those who wrote … Continue reading “What Divorce Minister Is.”
Category: Grief
Shards of Memory
Shards of Memory When you go through a divorce, people do not usually warn you about how the effects echo for many years unless they are trying to scare you away from divorce. The echo of grief is normal. It just means you genuinely loved the person who so treacherously betrayed you. That love … Continue reading “Shards of Memory”
Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88
A favorite Psalm of mine is Psalm 88. I called it an “Ode of Eeyore” because this Psalm is dark. And I love that. It creates space for those of us who are experiencing the darkness. We don’t have to put on our “happy faces.” The author of Psalm 88 grants us permission to acknowledge … Continue reading “Ode of Eeyore – Psalm 88”
“I can tell you are still tender and healing.”
“I can tell you are still tender, healing.” -“Well-Meaning” Observer What bothers me the most about these sort of statements is how they are usually stated as a way to express compassion for the faithful spouse but really just communicate pity. Who enjoys being the object of pity?! Now, it is true that the infidelity … Continue reading ““I can tell you are still tender and healing.””
Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?
Dear Divorce Minister, My wife committed adultery 16 years ago. I forgave and renew my vows on tremendously incomplete information. She recently confessed to the entirety of the adultery after we have had 3 wonderful children. I can say with out hesitation I would have not continued in the marriage if I would have known … Continue reading “Dear DM, What does restitution look like in my situation?”
Never mention it again?!
“You shouldn’t mention the cheating again. Didn’t you already say you forgave him?!” -Clueless “Christian” Counselor Forgiveness does not erase the impact of the sin(s). If you have a pastor or “Christian” counselor pressuring you, faithful spouse, to never mention the cheating again, you need to find a better counselor/spiritual guide. They are clueless. Recovering from … Continue reading “Never mention it again?!”
Loss of Friends
Yet my friends laugh at me, for I call on God and expect an answer. I am a just and blameless man, yet they laugh at me. -Job 12:4, NLT Years removed, it is still difficult to think of old “friends” and accept the friendship is over for good. These could have been relationships developed … Continue reading “Loss of Friends”
Are you really pining over that?!
Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting. In fact, I would suggest “forgetting” is just “denial” by another name. What helped me in both forgiving and moving on from my ex-wife was writing out what she actually did. Having this list in mind is very useful. Such a list is helpful in dealing with … Continue reading “Are you really pining over that?!”
Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses
14 If any household or town refuses to welcome you or listen to your message, shake its dust from your feet as you leave. 15 I tell you the truth, the wicked cities of Sodom and Gomorrah will be better off than such a town on the judgment day. -Matthew 10:14-15, NLT A Futile Enterprise When first discovered, … Continue reading “Futile Enterprise – Time to Cut Your Losses”
Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends
Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”