Even half a decade removed, I continue to consider my ex-wife’s two lives baffling. The woman I thought I married in 2006, and the woman who committed adultery against me in 2012 are not compatible in my mind. How do you go from an active, committed evangelical leader in college to a woman professing her … Continue reading “Remains Surreal – Grace for Old Friends”
Category: Grief
Validation Before Forgiveness Talk
Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words. -Job 2:13, NLT Please do not underestimate how traumatic and disorienting discovering marital infidelity is! My personal experience as well as with those I … Continue reading “Validation Before Forgiveness Talk”
Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.”
Pastors, Please stop making divorce “jokes.” When faithful spouses hear pastors talking about how grateful they are that their wives haven’t left them, this is insensitive to those in the pews who have been abandoned by cheaters–especially. Such “joking” is teaching: -You are teaching your people divorce happens over everyday irritations in marriage. Do you … Continue reading “Pastors, Please Stop Making Divorce “Jokes.””
Deeply Hurt Just Means Loved Deeply
Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” – Psalm 42:3, NLT Recently, I shared the story of how my first marriage came to its end via my first wife’s adultery. I was surprised by the emotion–namely, sadness–I felt telling this … Continue reading “Deeply Hurt Just Means Loved Deeply”
Fragmented Past Forever
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. -Galatians 6:9, NLT This morning I had the privilege of leading my Alma Mater’s football team in a devotional. I chose Galatians 6:9 as my focal text. It … Continue reading “Fragmented Past Forever”
Still Work – Either Way
Divorcing a cheater is not the end of the healing process. It is NOT an “easy out.” Anyone who has gone through the experience could tell you as much. The divorce is often just the beginning. True, it might be easier to heal from abuse–I consider adultery and all the lies with it abuse–from a cheater divorced … Continue reading “Still Work – Either Way”
Memories Remain
*DM on August 19, 2006. Today is a sad day for me. It was a day of celebration eleven years ago. Today was my first wedding day. I am amazed that even eleven years–and all the awfulness involved–does not obliterate the memories of that day. Our memories are fascinating things. I can still recall moments … Continue reading “Memories Remain”
Mistake Made In Re-Engaging
The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “Mistake Made In Re-Engaging”
Pro-Tip: Pastors, Faithful Spouses Need Condemnation Free Spaces
Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us…. -Romans 8:33-34a, NLT What faithful spouses need more than spiritual advice are people willing to listen to them without condemnation. Faithful spouses are recovering … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Pastors, Faithful Spouses Need Condemnation Free Spaces”
Not about the things, yet …
A practical reality of divorce is the necessity to divide up the marital “assets.” It is “just” things. Yet so much more… Now, I will confess that I am a bit sentimental about things. It is a “real” danger that I would become a cat hoarder in my old age left to my own devices. … Continue reading “Not about the things, yet …”