Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” – Psalm 42:3, NLT Recently, I shared the story of how my first marriage came to its end via my first wife’s adultery. I was surprised by the emotion–namely, sadness–I felt telling this … Continue reading “Deeply Hurt Just Means Loved Deeply”
Category: Grief
Fragmented Past Forever
So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. -Galatians 6:9, NLT This morning I had the privilege of leading my Alma Mater’s football team in a devotional. I chose Galatians 6:9 as my focal text. It … Continue reading “Fragmented Past Forever”
Still Work – Either Way
Divorcing a cheater is not the end of the healing process. It is NOT an “easy out.” Anyone who has gone through the experience could tell you as much. The divorce is often just the beginning. True, it might be easier to heal from abuse–I consider adultery and all the lies with it abuse–from a cheater divorced … Continue reading “Still Work – Either Way”
Memories Remain
*DM on August 19, 2006. Today is a sad day for me. It was a day of celebration eleven years ago. Today was my first wedding day. I am amazed that even eleven years–and all the awfulness involved–does not obliterate the memories of that day. Our memories are fascinating things. I can still recall moments … Continue reading “Memories Remain”
Mistake Made In Re-Engaging
The Other Man was discovered. I wrote a letter to my (then) wife letting her know I would not tolerate her cheating anymore. She could either choose to work to prove to me that her cheating days were over, or she could expect me to terminate my relationship–friendship included–with her permanently. Obviously, she chose the … Continue reading “Mistake Made In Re-Engaging”
Pro-Tip: Pastors, Faithful Spouses Need Condemnation Free Spaces
Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us…. -Romans 8:33-34a, NLT What faithful spouses need more than spiritual advice are people willing to listen to them without condemnation. Faithful spouses are recovering … Continue reading “Pro-Tip: Pastors, Faithful Spouses Need Condemnation Free Spaces”
Not about the things, yet …
A practical reality of divorce is the necessity to divide up the marital “assets.” It is “just” things. Yet so much more… Now, I will confess that I am a bit sentimental about things. It is a “real” danger that I would become a cat hoarder in my old age left to my own devices. … Continue reading “Not about the things, yet …”
Grieve the death
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” -Psalm 34:18, NASB Metaphors, while being imperfect approximations, often can help us grasp difficult and complex truths conveying both intellectual and emotional freight with vivid imagery. Here’s my shot on explaining by metaphor why focusing on forgiveness first after adultery is cruel: Imagine you … Continue reading “Grieve the death”
Deep Losses Can Lead To Deep Gratitude
He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. -Psalm 18:16, NIV Like violent water rushing down a channel, harsh circumstances can serve as the means to deepen our hearts and expand their capacity. Losses are huge for divorced faithful spouses. The loss of “friendships,” love, money, … Continue reading “Deep Losses Can Lead To Deep Gratitude”
Godly Sorrow and Discerning Advice
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. – 2 Cor. 7:10, NIV When you see the fruit of advice destroying someone or yourself, you are seeing something bringing death as this verse tells us. This is not from God. God is not one who came … Continue reading “Godly Sorrow and Discerning Advice”