If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. -Romans 12:18, NIV Notice what this verse does and does NOT say: 1. It does NOT say–or set the expectation–that we are friends with everyone. 2. It DOES say–i.e. acknowledges–that peace with some people is impossible. These are very important … Continue reading “The goal is peace, NOT friendship!”
Category: Reconciliation
What if pastors and Christian counselors had “skin” in the game?
What if pastors and Christian counselors had to pay a faithful spouse $10,000 or more if they were wrong about the cheating being over?! In my opinion, faithful spouses who stay in marriages for subsequent infidelity discoveries are loosing more than just $10,000. They are loosing precious time, emotional well-being, and physical well-being (e.g. risk … Continue reading “What if pastors and Christian counselors had “skin” in the game?”
A shot
Peace. One of the things that gave me peace–after some time of healing–about my first marriage ending was that I gave it a shot. Once I knew about the adultery, I kicked the ball back into her court. I gave her the option of repenting from her cheating or continuing with divorce. She chose divorce. … Continue reading “A shot”
Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…
Dear Divorce Minister, I married my husband after 1.5 years of dating, in church. Both of us were Christian or so I thought. After 9 months of marriage, when I was 36 weeks pregnant, my husband came back from an overseas trip and told me he cheated on me. He asked for a divorce. He … Continue reading “Dear DM, I want to reconcile, but…”
Be best friends with your ex? No, Christian, you don’t.
“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when you have succeeded, you make them twice as much a child of hell as you are.” -Matthew 23:15, NIV Public Service Announcement: Faithful spouses, you don’t have to become BFFs with … Continue reading “Be best friends with your ex? No, Christian, you don’t.”
When “working on the marriage” is a barrier to godliness.
“Let’s set aside the affair for a moment. We need to work on your marriage. You each have problems you need to own.” -Pastor/Christian Counselor If a version comes out of your pastors or counselor’s mouth, it is time to find a new pastor or counselor. They are dangerously clueless. Fidelity is a bedrock for … Continue reading “When “working on the marriage” is a barrier to godliness.”
PSA: If they’re blaming, then cheaters aren’t there to rebuild the marriage.
And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” -Genesis 3:11-12, NIV Just because a cheater goes to couple’s therapy … Continue reading “PSA: If they’re blaming, then cheaters aren’t there to rebuild the marriage.”
Cheaters return to own “vomit”
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Committing adultery is foolish, foolish behavior. The Bible names it as such in Proverbs 5. And the general observation from chapter twenty-six is that fools repeat such folly. Maybe this does not happen always, but it usually does as this … Continue reading “Cheaters return to own “vomit””
Dear DM, This sucks.
Dear Divorce Minister, Five years later, and I’m still numb or in an fog or angry/depressed. I was pregnant with our third child when my husband met a woman on an online game. The gist of it is that she started out “fun and flirty” and then they proceeded to talk about more deep stuff. … Continue reading “Dear DM, This sucks.”
Mismatched values as in light and darkness
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? -2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV Whether one is abandoned or cheated on or both, the reality for faithful spouses is as stark as this verse from 2 Corinthians paints it. Light cannot fellowship with … Continue reading “Mismatched values as in light and darkness”