Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. -2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV When trying to determine real repentance, I recommend watching for a guilt-response as opposed to a shame-response from the cheater. What do I mean by a “guilt response” versus a “shame response?” A “guilt … Continue reading “Look for guilty, NOT shameful cheaters for promising change!”
Category: Reconciliation
You will always be treated as “The Problem.”
When a cheater is done with their spouse, they will treat the spouse as “The Problem.” This is a dangerous time for the faithful spouse because this is when they experience the full contempt of the cheater. Sadly, many pastors and other counselors egg the cheater to say more contemptuous things about the faithful spouse … Continue reading “You will always be treated as “The Problem.””
Some just love the darkness.
And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. -John 3:19, NLT Some people will choose the darkness over the light. This was true in Jesus’ day, and it is certainly true today. A wise person … Continue reading “Some just love the darkness.”
Why keep blogging about taking adultery seriously?
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. -Micah 6:8, NIV Divorce Minister: Taking Adultery Seriously is an online ministry born from my personal experience and a pastoral need. That need is still there. … Continue reading “Why keep blogging about taking adultery seriously?”
Not everyone is going to be reasonable.
“Now think it over and see what you can do, because disaster is hanging over our master and his whole household. He is such a wicked man that no one can talk to him.” -Servant to Abigail, I Samuel 25:17, NIV This verse comes from the story of David, Abigail, and Nabal recorded in I … Continue reading “Not everyone is going to be reasonable.”
Godly forgiveness is NOT cheap forgiveness
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. -Matthew 5:23-24, NKJV “God forgives me. So what’s your problem?!” -Cheater Does … Continue reading “Godly forgiveness is NOT cheap forgiveness”
Disturbed people only see it as leverage
The wicked flee though no one pursues…. -Proverbs 28:1a, NIV Disturbed people only see a history of cheating as leverage in a marriage. They could care less how the cheating has damaged and harmed the faithful spouse. The bigger problem for them is that they fear the faithful spouse “forever” holding it “over the head” … Continue reading “Disturbed people only see it as leverage”
Dear DM, What happens to the marriage covenant if…
Dear DM, If adultery breaks and destroys the marriage covenant, what happens to couples who don’t divorce, forgiveness is shown, and then go on to reconcile? Does the marriage covenant just magically become whole again after it was destroyed? It’s all so confusing. Thank you. -Hett Dear Hett, Thanks for your questions. As these were … Continue reading “Dear DM, What happens to the marriage covenant if…”
Dear DM, Is a marriage covenant always in effect while the cheater lives?
Greetings DM. Your blog is so comforting for those that have been soul raped and beaten up by the Church, but I must admit that I’m in a kind of a dissonant situation, I was my whole Christian life taught that adultery break the marriage covenant, abandonment and in my very particular vision violence do … Continue reading “Dear DM, Is a marriage covenant always in effect while the cheater lives?”
Preparing for that first, post-infidelity discovery couple’s session
Cheating is exposed. Now, the cheater is willing to go to couples therapy and rebuild what the cheater destroyed. How does a faithful spouse approach such sessions with a Christian couples counselor? 1. Remember you have choices here. Did you choose this counselor? What do you know about him or her? If this person is … Continue reading “Preparing for that first, post-infidelity discovery couple’s session”