Then the man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate.” -Genesis 3:12, NKJV Now, over a decade removed from the events, I shake my head as I remember what I tolerated and endured. This blog is the fruit of hard-earned lessons from that season. One of … Continue reading “Crazy Counseling – Time to find someone else!”
Category: Sin
Processing Allegations Re:Mike Bickle of IHOPKC
“We are heartbroken to share that we have recently become aware of serious allegations including sexual immorality directed against Mike Bickle, the founder of IHOPKC.” –Statement by the IHOPKC Leadership Team Regarding Allegations Against Mike Bickle “Mike Bickle, the founder of the International House of Prayer of Kansas City (IHOPKC), is facing allegations of sexual … Continue reading “Processing Allegations Re:Mike Bickle of IHOPKC”
Sometimes the wife cheats and then abandons
She [the adulteress] gives no thought to the way of life; her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it. -Proverbs 5:6, NIV Sometimes, the wife decides she would rather live life as a single person. What makes this especially painful for those of us left behind is how shame is compounded to this … Continue reading “Sometimes the wife cheats and then abandons”
Familiar abusive approach
“I don’t want to hear any more about what he did to you. What we need to talk about is your NEED to forgive!” -Christian “friend” Some Christians seemed flummoxed by the faithful spouse’s recoil at such a response to their situation. What these “friends” fail to see is what they actually saying and doing … Continue reading “Familiar abusive approach”
I don’t see divorce as the problem.
The problem is adultery. The problem is abuse and deception. The problem is sin. Divorce is a just a poor proxy to these problems. I understand the concern about the pain divorce brings. It is an unpleasant experience. However, sometimes we have to go through an unpleasant experience to escape an even worse experience–i.e. an … Continue reading “I don’t see divorce as the problem.”
Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.
As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly. -Proverbs 26:11, NIV Within the Christian community, so much pressure is placed upon faithful spouses to “reconcile” with their cheating partners. Sometimes lip service is given to the importance that the cheater has actually changed and will not cheat again. However, the general … Continue reading “Possible to repent? Sure. Likely? No.”
Speaking at Chumpalooza 1.0 in two weeks!
In two weeks, Chumpalooza 1.o kicks off in Maryland! I am so excited to be a part of this conference for faithful spouses–i.e. chumps–where I will get to put faces to online names. I am scheduled to give two talks at this event: 1. Moral Injury and Why Healing from It Can Be So Difficult … Continue reading “Speaking at Chumpalooza 1.0 in two weeks!”
Hold fast to truth!
“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” -John 18:37b, NIV Truth: You did not drive your spouse to cheat (and abandon you). Truth: You do not deserve to be abused, (and cheating is abuse.) Truth: Divorcing a cheater is not sin. Truth: Divorcing an unrepentant cheater is not dooming your kids; rather, you … Continue reading “Hold fast to truth!”
What an utter waste of time!
In my first marriage, we spent a significant amount of time going to couple’s therapy. This was done not because we were always troubled but for “preventative” maintenance. We even went to a marriage retreat before we got married. Generally speaking, those sessions were a waste of time and money. My second marriage has had … Continue reading “What an utter waste of time!”
Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.”
“She (Affair Partner) has nothing to do with us,” says Cheater. Cheaters say this, and sadly, they believe it. They do not see how having an affair partner is a major problem for their marriage. In their minds, they have already believed the lie that they are entitled to this relationship. It has been–conveniently for … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “She has nothing to do with us.””