When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem. They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“). These sessions are doomed. The cheating … Continue reading “The Problem is not a problem to them.”
Category: Sin
Saying does not make it so.
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “It sounds like you believe that [which is a complete lie],” replies Faithful Spouse. Saying does not make it so! Cheaters say all sorts of things. You could have them dead to rights, and they will bust out this gem (see above). To them, their lies need not … Continue reading “Saying does not make it so.”
NOT about the other–faithful–spouse!
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV The affair is never about the other–i.e. faithful–spouse. I know this is a controversial thing to write. But it is true from a pastor’s perspective. We know this truth from … Continue reading “NOT about the other–faithful–spouse!”
Give up trying to control
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. -Psalm 139:23-24, KJV A natural temptation is to focus on controlling or directing the cheater’s behavior. Please do your best to resist this temptation! … Continue reading “Give up trying to control”
Cheater-Speak: “How did you find out?”
“How did you find out?” says incredulous, busted Cheater (“Shoot! He DID find out. I gotta figure out how to shut down that channel of information!”) When a cheater gets busted and their first impulse is to learn how you discovered them, you know that cheater is the opposite of repentant. Such is pride speaking–namely, … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “How did you find out?””
Really Worshiping Mammon
No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. -Matthew 6:24, KJV “No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you … Continue reading “Really Worshiping Mammon”
Why an infidelity abuse support group? Cheated On Support Group Starts 9-9-24!
Why create an infidelity abuse survivor support group? When I went through my experience of divorce from my Cheater, nothing like this existed. The closest is a national Christian ministry for divorce situations in general. That syndicated ministry was helpful because of the excellent local leaders. Yet it was not exactly what I needed. Unique … Continue reading “Why an infidelity abuse support group? Cheated On Support Group Starts 9-9-24!”
Value Added Worldly Wisdom
Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. -Colossians 2:8, NLT “… for better or worse… rich or poor…” Cheaters do not allow the traditional wedding vows to touch their hearts. They come at marriage … Continue reading “Value Added Worldly Wisdom”
Deluded Cheaters
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Cheaters are often self-deluded. They think that if they have justified their infidelity to themselves then it is justified. Nothing could be further from the truth. Nothing justifies committing adultery! God does not hand out exceptions to the Ten Commandments. That is not how this most basic … Continue reading “Deluded Cheaters”
Cheater-Speak: “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” says Cheater. “So, does that make what you did less awful than it is in your head?” says Faithful Spouse. Imagine management. That is what such a statement is about. They are trying to portray themselves as mistaken as opposed to willfully cruel. Regardless of intentions, what they did … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I never meant to hurt you.””