Category: Theology of divorce

Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge

And Joseph her husband, being a righteous man and not wanting to disgrace her, planned [to divorce her] secretly. -Matthew 1:19, NASB (footnoted alternate translation used in brackets) Do we consider a rape victim “hurt and vengeful” for choosing to have her rapist prosecuted for his crime? I wouldn’t. It is a matter of justice … Continue reading “Divorcing a cheater is NOT about revenge”

Resource Reminder: David Clarke, PhD

While wondering on the internet looking for resources from David Clarke, PhD, I stumbled upon his website (click here). These past few days I have been listening to his podcast. He has some good things to say in those podcasts. Clarke is not a wimpy Christian counselor. He does not let cheaters off the hook … Continue reading “Resource Reminder: David Clarke, PhD”

Preying on your desperation

After discovering infidelity, I bet many of us went into overdrive to figure out how to “save” our marriages. It is the rare faithful spouse who refuses to demean themselves further by chasing after the cheater (and the marriage) immediately. Especially, as a Christian, I think it is rare to level consequences at the start … Continue reading “Preying on your desperation”

Remember: God’s got you!

Fear of man will prove to be a snare,     but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. -Proverbs 29:25, NIV People will likely talk. Sure. Even–maybe especially–“Christian” people with issues with you getting a divorce from your cheater. However… Do not allow the “fear of man” to paralyze you. That fear is what will get you snared in … Continue reading “Remember: God’s got you!”

When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic”

Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV Did I miss something? When I read this verse–part of the Ten Commandments–I don’t see where it says, “Thou shalt not commit adultery unless [you believe] your marriage is a toxic relationship.” I don’t see it because it is NOT there! This is an especially lame cheater excuse or … Continue reading “When a cheater claims the marriage was “toxic””

Godly and reasonable to expect the cheating to stop!

Let her remove the adulterous look from her face     and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV Restored, godly marriages resurrected after the destruction of adultery are rare. Cheaters would have to change character for this to happen. Such change is painful and hard. That is not the path most cheaters take. Shortcuts are … Continue reading “Godly and reasonable to expect the cheating to stop!”

Let’s retire the phrase: “failed marriage”

Let’s retire the awful phrase: “Failed Marriage.” I find this phrase obnoxious for several reasons. In general, my objection to its use is how it communicates things that ought to have no place among God’s people. Let me explain… First, what do we mean by “failed marriage?” This implies there are successful and unsuccessful marriages. … Continue reading “Let’s retire the phrase: “failed marriage””

But Christ pursued a spiritually adulterous people heresy…

True, Christ pursued a spiritually adulterous people… AND… Christ told a spiritually adulterous group of people to go to Hell (see Mt 25:41). One of the tired use of the Scripture for faithful spouses is the example of Christ pursuing the Church. The faithful spouse is shamed and browbeaten into staying married to an entitled … Continue reading “But Christ pursued a spiritually adulterous people heresy…”

Fighting Because NOT Primary Support

I suspect fights get more frequent with Cheaters because we are no longer their primary relationship and support. They have someone else. So, it costs less for them to harm the marriage relationship. They have less incentive to fix what they are harming as well. One of the gifts of divorce is freeing us from … Continue reading “Fighting Because NOT Primary Support”