“I never meant to hurt you,” says Cheater. “So, does that make what you did less awful than it is in your head?” says Faithful Spouse. Imagine management. That is what such a statement is about. They are trying to portray themselves as mistaken as opposed to willfully cruel. Regardless of intentions, what they did … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I never meant to hurt you.””
Category: Theology of divorce
A divorced pastor is an asset.
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4, NIV A divorced pastor is an asset. Some churches … Continue reading “A divorced pastor is an asset.”
Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?
“Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?” I hate that question. It is a “Loaded Question”–meaning it assumes you did something to destroy your marriage. Such questions are errors in reasoning–i.e. logical fallacies. While the question looks reasonable, it is really just a dressed up version of “The Shared Responsibility Lie,” … Continue reading “Well, what did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage?”
“But I wasn’t perfect either.”
“But I wasn’t perfect in our marriage either,” says Faithful Spouse. Do you have to be without sin to be the innocent party regarding the end of your marriage? I remember going through my trial with the denomination and struggling with a version of this question. It was difficult to see myself as the “innocent … Continue reading ““But I wasn’t perfect either.””
Not all equal
My (now) ex and I went to a couple who were lay ministers. That was a mistake (if the goal was to avoid divorce). They were well-meaning people, but they were also very wrong in assessing our situation. Instead of focusing on my ex’s need to truly repent and repair our marriage due to her … Continue reading “Not all equal”
Major Support for Divorce–WCF 1646
“Adultery or fornication, committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and after the divorce to marry another, as if the offending party were dead.” … Continue reading “Major Support for Divorce–WCF 1646”
Cheater-Speak: “We drifted apart.”
“We just drifted apart,” says Cheater. This is probably one of the lamer excuses a Cheater might give for their behavior. Like ships on the ocean of life, this metaphor suggests the tides of time simply separated the couple. In other words, the excuse serves to blame external circumstances. Is it possible to “drift apart” … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “We drifted apart.””
Never divorce stance as idolatry
She saw that I divorced faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous sister Judah had no fear, and now she, too, has left me and given herself to prostitution. -Jeremiah 3:8, NLT Is the “Never Divorce” stance on marriage really just plain, old idolatry? Now, before I answer this, I want to be … Continue reading “Never divorce stance as idolatry”
Cheated On Support Group Coming!!!
Cheated On Support Group Starting Tuesday, May 7th! At Destiny Church, Rochester, MN I have decided that it is time to launch an in-person support group for faithful spouses and their supporters. This support group will start in Rochester (MN), and I will see what response I find from folks. If it goes well, I … Continue reading “Cheated On Support Group Coming!!!”
Not an youth problem!
Then Samuel asked, “Are these all the sons you have?” “There is still the youngest,” Jesse replied. “But he’s out in the fields watching the sheep and goats.” “Send for him at once,” Samuel said. “We will not sit down to eat until he arrives.” -I Samuel 16:11, NLT Not much has changed in years … Continue reading “Not an youth problem!”