Category: Theology of divorce

Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs

Dear Divorce Minister, My husband has had emotional affairs during our marriage and has physically cheated once during the dating time while in a serious committed relationship (which was disclosed to the me 9 years into our marriage). While he says he’s never crossed the line physically during the marriage, there has been a series … Continue reading “Mailbag: Repeated Emotional Affairs”

When “good” is not an option

Let her remove the adulterous look from her face and the unfaithfulness from between her breasts. -Hosea 2:2b, NIV What drives me nuts about how some pastors speak of divorce is how they assume a “good” option is left on the table for a faithful spouse. Sadly, following infidelity this just isn’t the case! The faithful … Continue reading “When “good” is not an option”

Mars Hill Church, Mark Driscoll, Shame-Based Teaching, and My First Marriage

***Pastor Mark Driscoll is popping back up in the church world and in the media (see here). I thought this would be a good time to run this post again–with minor edits–to talk about the very personal damage I experienced as a result of his distorted theological teachings.***   “But if any provide not for … Continue reading “Mars Hill Church, Mark Driscoll, Shame-Based Teaching, and My First Marriage”

Have you forgiven your ex?

“Have you forgiven your ex-wife?” -Inquiring Christian Let’s assume this person has not already passed judgment and condemned you as “bitter.” In other words, they are asking this question in good faith and out of genuine love for you. My response would be: What do you mean by “forgiven?” The answer to this question will … Continue reading “Have you forgiven your ex?”

I count three…

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.” -Job 31:1, NLT Looking back upon old emails around the time of my marriage’s demise, I am struck by how little was made of–what I now consider–my (now ex) wife’s emotionally inappropriate relationships with other men. And it was not … Continue reading “I count three…”

The Struggle to Let Go

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. -John 12:24, NIV Letting go of a marriage ravaged by infidelity is hard. I think it is made doubly so–unfortunately–in Christian communities because of all … Continue reading “The Struggle to Let Go”

Capable Versus Actual

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God… -Romans 3:23, KJV While every human being is a sinner, that does not mean every human being has committed the same sins. Capable does not mean actual. The divorce fear-mongers tell faithful spouses essentially not to hope for a future partner who treats … Continue reading “Capable Versus Actual”

Cheater-speak: “But I am not divorcing you because of [The Other Man/Woman].”

“This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’” -Proverbs 30:20, NIV “Yes, I crossed the line sexually with [Other Man]. But I am not divorcing you because of [Other Man].” -Adulteress This is just another way of saying that the cheater is unwilling … Continue reading “Cheater-speak: “But I am not divorcing you because of [The Other Man/Woman].””