Why bother working on a marriage where one party is treating cheating as a secondary issue? Your cheater (and anyone supporting them) is telling you how little they value your well-being when they treat the affair(s) as secondary or derivative issues to the marriage. They are deprioritizing your healing. You cannot “fix” this. The Bible … Continue reading “Why bother?”
Category: Theology of divorce
Familiar abusive approach
“I don’t want to hear any more about what he did to you. What we need to talk about is your NEED to forgive!” -Christian “friend” Some Christians seemed flummoxed by the faithful spouse’s recoil at such a response to their situation. What these “friends” fail to see is what they actually saying and doing … Continue reading “Familiar abusive approach”
I don’t see divorce as the problem.
The problem is adultery. The problem is abuse and deception. The problem is sin. Divorce is a just a poor proxy to these problems. I understand the concern about the pain divorce brings. It is an unpleasant experience. However, sometimes we have to go through an unpleasant experience to escape an even worse experience–i.e. an … Continue reading “I don’t see divorce as the problem.”
Hold fast to truth!
“Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.” -John 18:37b, NIV Truth: You did not drive your spouse to cheat (and abandon you). Truth: You do not deserve to be abused, (and cheating is abuse.) Truth: Divorcing a cheater is not sin. Truth: Divorcing an unrepentant cheater is not dooming your kids; rather, you … Continue reading “Hold fast to truth!”
Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!
In those days John the Baptist came, preaching in the wilderness of Judea and saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven has come near.” -Matthew 3:1-2, NIV “You got to fight for your marriage!” says Christian leader. I find it odd, these days, to think how the Christian community puts “saving the marriage” on the faithful spouse. … Continue reading “Not right to put onus onto faithful spouse!”
Hate adultery, NOT divorce!
Declaring a hatred of divorce is akin to declaring a hatred of amputation. Healthy people do not go around hoping to get an amputation. However, a doctor might suggest an amputation to stop an infection from killing them. Does it make sense to tell that patient, “I hate amputation?” Divorce is an unfortunately necessary procedure … Continue reading “Hate adultery, NOT divorce!”
Will not rebuild
“Even if she cheated on me, I would still stay with her and try to make the marriage work,” says faithful spouse. “You’d just hold that over her head forever,” replies cheater apologist. When this is the mentality or response from the cheater side, you know the marriage is done. This sort of response exposes … Continue reading “Will not rebuild”
When living by “Law” is more merciful than “Grace”
If a man is found sleeping with another man’s wife, both the man who slept with her and the woman must die. You must purge the evil from Israel. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NIV When one’s interpretation of “grace” is more strict and less merciful than the plain writing of the “law,” then I suggest something is wrong with … Continue reading “When living by “Law” is more merciful than “Grace””
An intentional marriage torching
Some cheaters know their faithful spouse will give them unending, second chances. So, they set up a system to torch the marriage. These are the haughty cheater types. They think they are the prize and the faithful spouse must demonstrate their worthiness. Such pride is at the root of their sinfully wicked hearts. They abuse … Continue reading “An intentional marriage torching”
A good distraction
When my life was recently obliterated by the discovery of the other man plus my (now ex) wife serving me divorce papers, I took a trip to visit my best friends in New York City. It was Labor Day weekend. Now, I am not a huge NYC fan–no offense to those who love this city … Continue reading “A good distraction”